I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm sure I can trace this back much farther, back to when I was 13 and my father died, but I'll start more recently. My husband of 11 years (my highschool sweetheart) having an affair and deciding we needed to divorce, moving back home and then finding my brother dead from an accidental over-dose..then being hospitalized myself..poor health, two miscarriages, a rocky relationship with a man I love so very much, being made to resign from my radiology program, and now the love of my life telling me he doesn't love me anymore and it's over. I feel nothing but pure panic and misery. I'm taking so much xanax now, just to be able to function. I have two beautiful children that deserve so much better than what I have to offer. They see how sad I am...I can't hide the pain and the tears. I'm due to see my doctor in two months, hoping that I can be treated for bi-polar disorder and switch to a new anti-depressant also. I don't know what else I can do. I'm at a point that I feel that I would rather die than go on like this. I go to bed crying..sleeping with my ex's shirt like a blanky. It's pathetic. For the past 2.5 years I haven't been able to stop obsessing over this man and I don't understand why. Some of the things I've done..they're horrible, they make no sense. What's wrong with me?
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