Hi Everyone. I have been having the most horrible time with my anxiety, and the doctor has found that they think Im basically immune to the kinds of meds that help treat it. I also have depression and a rare gentic disease. The depression meds dont seem to be working or helping either. Im in a marriage that is so cold it hurts. He is only there if he feels like it which has been a really long time, or if we are in front of my parents. I feel like its a show to make them think he is like that all the time which is so wrong. I feel very alone and everyone in my family is giving me advice as if Im suppose to live this way forever. Im so scared and confused on what I should do and the right thing. I feel like a peice of furniture in my house. My son is the only great wonderful thing I have in my life here right now. I wonder sometimes if its better to stay with someone just for your child or if your only hurting everyone. I have tried everything, even suggesting counseling and he said he isnt letting anyone tell him what to do. He doesnt do a thing around here. ALthough he goes to work everyday which Im greatful for. But other than that, the whole house, inside and out are my problem. No matter what it is. If he cooks dinner when Im sick, its like we have to call everyone to tell them so he can get a pat on the back for it. He has killed my self esteem to the point of feeling good about myself is something Im not sure what feels like anymore. I cant eat or sleep. I feel alone even though there are people around. Like the loneliest person there is. I feel rejected by everyone including family because I dont do exactly as they say or want me to. Ive never got to make a major decision on my own. Its always how my parents or husband think I should do it. Like Im too stupid to figure it out. The disease did not affect my brain thank you. And I just wish I had some respect and affection around here. This is kiling me, I dont want to try and be someone Im not to make anyone happy. Im only me, and thats as good as I can be. Im not mean, I dont judge anyone, And I would never intentionally hurt someone. Im so lost at this right now. Its hurting so badly. My anxiety feels worse than its been in years. I dont know if anyone else has gone through this or not. But I pray no one has. If anyone has anything to help me out on this It would be greatly appreciated. Are we suppose to always put on a happy face for everyone?
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