Okay so I am going to tell you a little bit abou me and hopefully it will help yall. First of all I have been having severe anxiety and panic attacks since I was ten. I was burned really bad when I was young, then my sister got hit by a car and almost didn't make it. I had no idea what was going on and then she came home and didn't remember me. I blamed myself for it and we went through physical therapy and speach therapy with her for years. She was in a coma and I barely go to see my parents cause they were at the hospital. She was only six, she did make it and is okay now. Those memories of her laying there in blood from when I was eight I can picture them like yesterday. Then I was molested and never told anyone. I hid everything inside and tried to control everything because I never felt safe as a child. I took on so much responcibility when I was so young. I never told anyone until this year of my anxiety and panic attacks. I alwasy thought something was wrong with me. Then my parents split and I felt more out of control. I had rage fits and was miserable. Then I had an alcoholic uncle that lived with us and wouldn't change. Then my parents dated other people and fought and I was always having to get in the middle. I was so sensitive as a child, I would wake up in the middle of the night with full blown panic attacks. They would be okay for a while and then they would get bad. I have had five unexpected deaths in the last couple years, a bad relationship and so much more. So anyways my point is trust me I know what all of yall are going through. About a month ago I got them really bad, I didn't want to leave the house and I had anxiety attacks like ten a day. I was afraid of everything. Well I completely hit rock bottom I wanted to walk away from everyone and felt completely hopeless. My anxiety made me feel restricted and couldn't move forward and be happy. So anyways I started talking to people about it and I started researching it and realizing that is something that i have but can move forward with. I began finally pulling up all hidden things from the past. I began writing and realizing things different. The death they are in a better place, I have no scars from the burns and my sister made it. Slowly the visions are slowly going away and slowly I am understanding where the anxiety comes from and I am starting to change my thinking. I have always been worred about the anxiety attacks and always worried somethign is bad is going to happen. Anyways, slowly I am getting throught it I haven't had an fullblown anxiety attack in a couple of weeks. Yes I still get anxious but that is normal. Lately I have been doing more and more. I am trying not to let the anxiety control me. I know that with accepting it and fixing the root of the problem I am doing better. I will beat this anxiety and I am fine. I am stillstruggling to move forward and so all the things I want to do, but I am thinking positively and just taking baby steps. The things that I think have helped me the most are when I get one I don't panic I just ride it out, I don't leave, and I don't concentrate on my breathing. I sit there and think it will pass and I am fine. I have been through what two hundred panic attacks and have always got throught every single one of them. Then instead of the panic thought I think humm I wonder why I feel anxious. I wonder what triggered this. Like for instance if I got in a fight with someone earlier or lets say I am going somewhere new and Ithink oh that is why I am having anxiety so I try to stop the panic thoughts. Then I think after that oh that is just my body releasing stress. If we aren't afraid of the panic attacks then they won't get worse. Tell yourself everyday to retrain your brain that you are safe and you can handle anything. Say it fifty times a day. Retrain your subconcious mind to take on anything. We can all get through this.
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