Hi, i wanted to share the past few yrs of my life with you so you'd know me better. I'm 34 and had brain cancer for over 8yrs now. In the yrs before i was a really active person. I was in the armed forces (Cdn) for 5yrs, went to college for 3yrs & then became a social worker for another 3yrs. I moved far away from home (with a fiance) to become a cop. (my childhood dream) Only 2wks away from training I was given a death sentence instead. I was given only 4 days to live. Long story short, I had to move back home after a few surgeries to get treatments & move back in with my parents. In the 1st few months my fiance left me and had to re-learn how to walk, talk, write and read again. A ton of re-hab later and before i turned 30 i moved into an apt. of my own again. I can look after myself with no problems but i can't hold down a full-time job. I sleep all the time. I've never been able to fit in anywhere now (even got kicked out of a senior's centre if you can believe that.) I've lost most of my friends & my family can't really understand why it's been so long & i'm still not working or back to my old self. I've changed a lot and become a loner. Probably to ease the pain of it all i eat now & am not very active. When i once was 120lbs i now am 160lbs. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I don't go out because i hate to be in the public eye & if i have to i wear a disguise of my hat sunglasses & headphones attached to nothing so that i don't have to talk with anyone either. I know that i need some help but i am on a long waiting list to see a psychiatrist. It's getting more & more difficult to wait. A lot of little things can make me happy but only for a while then i go back to this deperate feeling. It would be nice to have some understanding friends & maybe just once to hear that everything will be all right...
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