First of all, it is still taking some time for me to admit that I have a problem. I spend more time trying to rationalize the irrational. I am pregnant, due on January 26th. I can't wait for my baby to be born because I feel like proper meds and reduced hormones will help me eventually but right now I see no light at the end of this tunnel. Most days I see no end of the tunnel. It's like I can't seem to seperate what is real and what isn't. I am still having a hard time dealing with how this all started because it feels like it came from nowhere. i mean I have always been anxious, but why did I suddenly develop this problem of obsessive compulsive behavior causing complete panic. Having unreal thoughts. I am unable to take meds because of the pregnancy. The one med that i was able to take made me overwhelmed with thoughts of suicide. The thoughts of suicide were already there, but the zoloft made it worse. I curse the prescription med zoloft. I am in therapy and have also tried hypnotherapy. I used to think that therapy was a jerk off. My mind has recently changed about that, but i still don't feel completely hopeful. Does the severe part of anxiety really just sneak up on you like that. Why does this happen? I am starting to feel like I am the only person in the world that has had some of the thoughts i have been having. My hormones have gone completely scatty and all I have is thoughts of doom and destruction on a frequent basis. i really like my therapist, but sometimes i want to pounce on her because im feeling anxious about her fixing me instantly . I know it doesn't work that way. This was long, i know. I 'm sorry. Thanks for reading
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