For the last year I have been suffering from anxiety/panic disorder. I wasn't aware what it was until I sought help at my local hospital at the end of last month after I was unable to leave my house for over five hours. The doctor prescribed me Xanax and it helped me tremendously. I am no longer taking it now but am suffering from a connected issue. In the same week as I went to that hospital to seek help, I lost my job and my car. I called a local pastor and was full of fear on how I would survive. She mistook my saying of wanting to disappear as a suicidal tendancy and threatened to call authorities on me unless I went with her to another hospital, which unbeknownst to me at the time, was a psychiatric ward. The nurse there asked me several questions and I answered her honestly, telling her I was very tired and very upset, and was sick of the way people acted and wanted to just disappear for awhile. I did not say I wanted to commit suicide, nor was I even thinking of it. I just wanted to disappear. There is a big difference between wanting to disappear, and wanting to die. I also told the nurse, as I trusted her at the time, that being I was raised in a Catholic home, that before being taken to speak her, that I went to church and lit a candle and prayed before the statues of Jesus and Mary. I told her that as I closed my eyes I saw a flicker of dark and light, probably a shadow from the trees moving outside, but it felt like a sign that my prayer was heard. Well, if you ask ANY Catholic, they believe in signs from God ALL the time. However, as I was told the next morning, THIS nurse believed in her own mind that I was seeing Demonic Apparations and that I was suicidal, and proceeded to tell me that she was locking me up against my will. I got frightened and I ran, as fast as I could. Their "police" surrounded me, handcuffed me, threw me to the ground and held me against the pavement, then dragged me back into the hospital where the slammed my head down onto a bed, pulled my pants down and jabbed me with an injection of several medicines. The next thing I remember is waking up in a locked psych ward with bruises up and down each arm, scratches and scrapes all over my arms and legs, cotton taped to my arm where I blood was taken without my knowledge or consent, and the smell of antiseptic in my private area, where my urine was also taken without my knowledge or consent. I could barely speak as my tongue was curling up in my mouth, and I couldn't sit still. My head was tremoring so badly I could barely hold it up. I asked to speak to a doctor and eventually one came to see me. I told them that I was not suicidal and that I'd come to the hospital seeking councel for finding a job and help with my car so that I could look at the issue clearly and not from a depressed standpoint. I told them I was unaware it was a psychiatric unit. Approximately three hours later they released me. I spent the next three days unable to speak as my tongue continued to roll up in my mouth. I have spent the last five weeks, every night, EVERY night, with nightmares from what they did to me, from the fear of being locked away and NEVER knowing if you're going to ever get out again, never knowing if you're going to smell the outside air again, or see your animals again, see your family, never knowing if you would lose everything else that you had because you couldn't escape to try and save it. I have called every attorney in my phone book only to sit and wait, and wait, and never receive a call back from any of them. No newspaper will run my story because they said they could be held liable from the hospital unless I have an active court case on file for medical malpractice, except that no attorney will call me back so I cannot ever determine if they were negligent in the first place. So I have to sit here, day after day, with no idea how to go on from here, how to forget what they did to me against my will, how to find a way to manage a job with my continued anxiety and panic, how to survive without a job if I can't. I have no idea how to do anything anymore, so if anyone has even the tiniest idea, I would be grateful for it.
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