Good afternoon all... It has been quite a while since I have been on, life has certainly kept me busy. When I was on regularly I was so amazed and in just aw about how lovely and kind each individual was on this page, and to see it has not changed is just wonderful.
My anxiety has become so terrible these past couple of months, but the last two weeks have been near unbearable. I have random small triggers that had been increasing my anxiety, until then one of my only friends were constantly venting to me about her own anxiety and then her husband cheating on her... 10 hours prior, my family friend did the same thing only to inform me he found out a baby was not his like he had thought... The texts and calls became constant, and while I had other issues causing more anxiety, no one stopped to ask if I was okay or how I was doing... This then proceeded to me having suicidal thoughts that I could not control; I freaked out. The thoughts went away after a few hours but the anxiety stayed. Friends are doing better and have been able to gain control of their lives for the most part.. my anxiety is still here.
Then, four days ago, my son - who has Tourette Syndrome - developed a new tic... then last night, developed two more. There has only ever been one tic that my son (who is soon to be 13) had that really just broke my heart because it was so extreme... This was about three years ago. He has now a VERY loud and constant cough that he is unable to control, he also became irritated with school work last night and began punching the couch uncontrollably and ended up stabbing his hand with a pencil because his tics (body twitches) were so bad... All I have wanted to do these past four days is cry, but I cannot allow my son to know that his tics are effecting me in any way. He does much better if we just act like they are not there, give him lots of love, hugs and praise. I hate to even admit that the vocal tics tend to get under my skin... they don't usually so I do not know why this one in particular is upsetting... but the worse part of it all, is I cannot help him... It breaks my heart and just destroys me inside... why couldn't it have been me instead? Why does my lil man have to go through this? My anxiety is so terrible, I cannot breathe, I cannot focus at work and I constantly feel sick. Doctors do not reccommend medication for TS, and I'm not a fan of medication regardless, but doctors here will not prescribe for TS even if I wanted to - the meds they use for tics disorders have side effects that are not worth it.... I feel so broken and worthless. There are no support groups in Fairbanks, Alaska for Tourette Syndrome and I have not met one family here who has a loved one with TS, and I have lived here all my life. I have to continue to be there for my son, but with my anxiety as bad as it is... all I want to do is crawl into a hole and not come out...
My son's tics have had a play on my anxiety in the past, but NEVER to this extent... Why is my anxiety so terrible this time around? And what has anyone used for "newer" triggers? I don't take any medication and meds I have taken in the past have never really worked for me.... I would just like to be that rock for my family again... Any advice? So sorry for the long post... Thank you for reading...
I am an old new one .. I have used Daily Strengh in the past back in 2008 for a few years .. then left and did well enough .. but now my Anxiety is once again totally out of control so I rejoined because I remember it being an amazing place to find support..
I have a question. Does anybody ever think that's something is wrong with them? Or that something is gonna happen to you? Just a thought I have sometimes. I think with anxiety it's a natural feeling. To me it's frustrating, irritating, and annoying. Anxiety tricks the mind into believing that. Well I say Go Away and don't come back. LolItalianmomma