I am having these new episodes that I cannot really feel explain why. I have had number of times where my aunt (who I live with) has commented that my face is really red and she always asked me if I am feeling ok. Since she has made comments about it, I have been able associated it when my face gets numb. So when my face gets numb apparently it gets really red too. It happened again last night when I was on the phone with my mom, and it was getting hard to talk because my breathing was shallow, my face was numb, my heart was racing even though it didnt feel like it, my chest was caving, and I got really hot really fast.
At this pony, I just feel like I’m a failure & I’m hopeless. I’m doing horrible in school, I can’t get a job after applying to about 25 places. I’m tired of asking my dad for money. I feel so pathetic. I’m angry all the time, sad, bitter, and resentful. I the smile and happiness I put on for people was true. My heart aches from past pain that I still try to get over. I don’t talk...
Well tomorrow I go in and fill out paperwork and get my uniform for my job. Then on Tuesday I go in for orientation. And then a few days later I should start working. I just hope I can do this . I hope my anxiety don't get in the way of me working.