Tonight I am supposed to go out to a sports bar with my wife. I really don't like going out to bars much anymore. I am more introverted and my wife is more extroverted. I don't care to hook up with other couples and go out as a group because I tend to stand on the sidelines and watch. My wife can join in the discussions, with most anyone, and laugh and have a good time. I go out to places wondering how soon I can get out of there without upsetting my wife and I count the minutes to when we leave. When I walk out of a place and I know I am on my way home, that is when I am relieved and a smile will finally come across my face and I actually feel a bit happy inside. But while I'm there, I have to work hard, very hard to hide my displeasure and unhappiness and cover up my true feelings. I'm tired of standing on the sidelines but I feel intimidated to engage in a conversation because I get this feeling that my conversation is of no interest to whomever I am talking too. And to be honest, sometimes I just find their conversation boring. My wife will talk about anything. Stupid stuff sometimes, but she just enjoys talking. I get bored. I lose interest and so I withdraw. And the more I see her laughing and having a good time talking to someone else, the more I feel horrible inside and the more I withdraw. In addition to that, my wife is very attractive and it drives me crazy inside when I see these guys staring at her and trying to establish eye contact as if they were going to pick her up. Perhaps I'm a little jealous and therefore insecure, but I know what guys are thinking and it irks me to no end that they actually think my wife would return a look to them. It's like people have no respect anymore for the fact my wife is married. Some people don't give a damn that a person is married for one, and even worse, is in the presence of the husband or wife, and feel free to do whatever they want. I only go to a bar so that my wife won't find me to boring. I feel I have to give her the opportunity to get it out of her system by taking her to a bar where there is a band or a large crowd. I prefer quiet bars, perhaps with a little soft music, some slow dancing. I"m almost 50 and I have no interest in going to some sports bar to or dance club to listen to some kids rock band. She still enjoys a rock band. I could care less. I dont' even listen to music on the radio. I listen to mostly talk radio, sports talk and other kinds of talk. I listen to a christian radio station and sometimes yes, I listen to the usually rock and roll (not the heavy metal or rap stuff). So my rambling here is probably a good sign my anxiety about tonight is starting to build. Does anyone else have this kind of issue? How do you deal with it? Why do I sit on the sidelines and not engage? Why do I count the minutes till when I can leave? I hate jealousy. I have nothing to be jealous of. My wife is 100% committed to me. So why can't I just accept that and have a good time and relax regardless of who she is talking to or who is staring at her? I hate this feeling.
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