It's times like this right now that it would be nice to talk to someone. I've been anxious all day and held it down to just physical stuff and just feeling super anxious and trying to calm down.I'm pretty sure most of my anxiety comes from I'm scared to death of my relationship,commitment and all the stuff that comes with it. I think I'm just plain afraid of love and not sure whether I'm able to or not. I know this comes from my past. All thats just to much to write about. Weve been seeing each other for 3 years and I want so desperatly to just be calm and able to love without my past coming to haunt me with doubts and fears. This is a real sensitive thing with me and it's kind of embarrassing because I should be lucky someone loves me so much. With all the bad past concerning love and there is some deep rooted fear about it and I'm trying to face it because I don't want to lose her.I have anxiety about being able to love her and I have anxiety about losing her.I'm trying to face this fear and to repair the damage from my past. Thats been the biggest cause for my anxiety.I've shared different things on here and this is something I hope I can get through and a thought or memory that I can let go of.I want so much to be able to love her unconditionaly. I know this is mushy stuff and I don't know if anyone else has anything close to this kind of trouble when it comes to love and anxiety.I don't really know exactly what to do about this. The more digging in my mind I do to see whats causing my anxiety the more I find things that I don't want to see or know what to do about them. I would think being able to love someone would be an easy thing to do. It just scares me so much for some reason and I want to find the answers to it and I just don't know where to look.I'm not sure if I can love because I'm not sure what love is. I know this is the biggest thing in my life that makes me anxious and I just don't really know what to do.I've never said anything on here about this because it's kind of sensitive stuff and I guess my ego gets in the way. I could sure use some advice and I guess I'm beyond being embarrassed about this. thanks for letting me share! I know that this is something thats up to me to figure out and find a way to let go of the the pain that came with what I thought love is. I know someone on here knows more about this kind of thing than I do. Girls are so much better at this sort of thing and might be able to get me on track. I just don't want to lose her and on the other hand this is a big source of my anxiety for me. My past has got so much to do with it.I think I'm going to walk and think and pray! Thank you and any advice would be nice!
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