I have been battling anxiety for years now. I cant tell when it actually began, but I have always seemed to be a very anxious person. As a child, I was scared to do anything outside of my house. But I grew older and now I have a job at a coffee shop which requires me to speak to people directly and make conversation. I dont have a problem with speaking to people. But when there are large groups of people waiting in line, and we have to go faster than lightning to get everyones coffee made, I can get very panicky. I need to take frequent breaks to stay sane, but lately I havent been given hardly any breaks at all because of a shortage of workers. Some of my coworkers seem to hate me and I really cant think of any reason why other than when I was new I had an extremely difficult time getting used to how fast things ran and how I had to be louder and more outgoing... basically not be myself and put on a mask for 8+ hours a day. Some of the customers dont make the job any easier when they demand inhumanly quick service and spit nasty words to me. I almost fainted one day, and the other I almost threw up. It has gotten out of hand and today I called in sick because my body did not want to get up no matter how hard I tried. I also felt nauseous. I stayed in bed all day. I havent eaten anything. The most I have done is take a shower. I feel safe staying in one spot and not moving. I have to go back to work tomorrow and face my boss though. He said I need to bring back a doctors note or else the absence is unexcused. My dad had asked if I was okay in a really questioning voice. I said I was okay now, but I felt overstressed. He said "You're not overstressed, you're just not used to all these hours." Which is a very odd thing to say, because having this many more hours is the CAUSE of my stress and anxiety. So I cant talk to my family in honesty, I cant just quit my job because I have so many things to pay off, and I feel like I am being a burden to everyone. I hate where my life is right now. I hate how I am. I wish I knew ways to cope.
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