i wish i didn't have a family and people that cared about me. i just don't feel like i can do this. no, that's wrong...i don't want to do this. what kind of quality of life is this? i feel this everyday. maybe not all day sometimes, but at least a few times each day and it is always in my head. i feel like i am living for other people because if they knew what i feel they'd let me go. i feel like my life is tainted now and i will never be the same only this time it's worse. so is that to say the next time will be even worse? i don't want to live the next 50 yrs like this. i just can't.
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