I am not sure if this is the right forum but along with my anxiety I have been dealing with a significant amount of self-hatred. It just tears me up inside - I literally hate the person that I am and I do not know even where to begin to start liking and then possibly loving myself. I hear people talk about this all the time but all I want to do is constantly punish myself for all the mistakes and weaknesses and failures that I have everday. I feel that it is my job to punish myself because I am the only one who can really do it and that is why I have so many issues with eating and self harm. But where does one start? If you have hatred yourself for 25 years and are extremely self-destructive to the point of losing everything to include a recent engagement - what do you do? If I do not have these punishments I feel I will got off the edge - they keep me in check and also are a way that I deal with my ever present anxiety. I am terribly hard on myself and I know that - but how does one change that? I have absolutely no idea and am almost afraid of the person I would become if I did start liking myself - if that makes any sense. I do not like change and I am very comfortable with my self-hatred - but is this how I am going to be for the rest of my life? I want to find love again so bad - but I do not want my self hatred to ever get in the away of love again. I almost feel this self hatred as being a thing inside me that is constantly telling me things and causing me to do harm because I am never or will I ever be good enough. Anyway that is what is on my mind today - not sure what to do or where to go from here - so I am reaching out for some advice or suggestions.
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