Well first of all...punishing her for an illness is not fair. I have had major anxiety disorder for 15 years, but I have had a mild case of it my entire life. It caused a strain on my family as well, but my mother was always supportive and never made me feel guilty for it....I think that is one reason I was able to get through as long as I did. I know this disorder is very frustrating to those who don't have it...because unless you live with it yourself and experience the feelings you will never truly understand. It sounds to me like she needs more therpay...CBT would probably work wonders for her....does she have relaxation tapes? These really work well for a lot of people....and maybe try home schooling her for awhile if possible. Not that she should avoid school forever but maybe she just needs some time to get stronger. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Oh Man...what is it with these doctors so in a hurry to put kids on medicine. I'm totally against it. Any way there's an excellent book I bought for my kids. I have an 18 year old in college...and an extremely hyper 14 year old son. They once wanted to put him on 'retalin'. I almost ... to the school principal for even suggesting it.

Heres the link for the book: Just copy and paste in your address bar. I hope they still have it in stock.
http://affiliate.buy.com/gateway.aspx?adid=17662&aid=10387773d=2665455&sURL=http%3A//www.buy.com/prod/normal-and-abnormal-fear-and-anxiety-in-children-and-adolescents/q/loc/106/204741035.html&cjsku=204741035

Good luck.

Hey soozie! As a kid who WAS in school with anxiety, have u thought of homeschooling? If her anxiety really is so bad she cant get in the doors, it could be the environment that is making her miserable. Try homeschooling. I always wished my parents had done that for me, and maybe I would have graduated on time. Good luck!

I had anxiety relating to school. Does your daughter have friends? I mean friends she hangs out with outside of school. Unfortunately at 12 girls can be very stubborn. It sounds as though she is resisting treatment. I think the only way to help her is to try to divert her attention to something else. Is she in sports or any other extracurricular activity? Maybe if she gave some of these things at least a good try she might open up and make new friends and some of the anxiety might dissipate. I tried this on my own and when I was about 16 it started to help. I began to make friends and was bullied less. It wasn't as scary for me to go to school. I hope this helps.

I know how frustrating it can be if you don't understand why she is suffering. I see the frustration in my husband and in my own mother. She always tells me that when things get hard she just deals with it and doesn't understand why I can't do that. Just having her say that to me just frustrated me and made me pull away from her. My husband started getting really angry with me because he thought that it was something that I could stop and control. It doesn't work that way unfortunately. It doesn't sound like your daughter feels she has a "safe" place. If home is stressful and school is stressful then where does she turn? Have you asked her what makes her feel safe? For me having a phone with me at all times makes me feel secure or I have a little key chain that says "Jesus Power" on it that I hold when I need to feel strong. Maybe you two can come up with something that she can touch and keep with her to help her.

you know most anxiety runs in the family and can even be picked up unintentionally from children "being" like their parents, try to think, did you say something about how you hated school? or were picked on? has she been abused at school? do kids pick on her? does she feel alienated < now even worse because she has to take medicine>? Parents do not realize how much they affect their children's behavor, trust me, im a child of an agorophobic SP? i was horrible in middle school and i used to get panic attacks and i would physically get sick almost everyday, til this day i still will not do many things because my mom accidently influenced me

Thank you all for your advice. The first thing everyone says is "she must be being bullied or something bad is happening at her school". This is not the case. She has friends in and out of school. Her teachers tell me she is always laughing and talking with friends when in class. She gets invited to birthday parties and such. She wakes up happy, always singing, dancing, acting... I do blame myself for some things, don't feel like a very good parent. I am sure she gets her anxiety a little from me, my mom, her other grandma... We take one day at a time and that's alll we can do. Thanks for everyone's support and I wish you all well too! I understand a lot of what you go through seeing it in my daughter. Hang in there everyone, I will too :o)

I do understand your frustration but this is not your little girls fault AT ALL!.
She must be living a terrifying life, as an adult its dreadfull, i cant imagine what its like for a little girl, it must be a living hell for her.
I realaise the impact this must have on your family, are you all in councilling, educating by reading, seeing child specialist in this area,that way your family has more knowledge and understanding of what she is going through and you can be more supportive of her ilness.
Maybe the fears she has has come from a single scary event i her life that has added one fear on top of another.
This is a very DABILITING ILNESS!, but grounding from all things that she is fearful from is not a help, it will make it worse in the long run, maybe some exposure therapy might help.
I know you love your daughter and am sorry for all your going through but please try to understand she CANT TRY! AND SHES ILL, she needs as much love and support and some times a little tough love through therapy to help her get through this.
Is it possible for yourself and husband to get away for a few days on your own, have a family member watch the kids, she will survive without you for a few days.
I think you need some time out from the situation and have a nice romantic quite time away with your hubby to help you recharge.
My heart goes out to you!, i know how difficult it must be but your little girl needs her mummys love, acceptance, compassion and understanding.
I really wish the best for you and your family, i hope things get better.
PS: Ask her doctor if there is suport groups for parents in same situation as yourselfs, it maybe helpful and a good outlet for you.
With Love xx

I have an autistic 13 year old son who has severe anxiety and has had for a LOOOOOONG time! And as someone who has anxiety as well, the idea of forcing someone to do something that makes them anxious seems insane!!! (not saying you're a bad mum for wanting your daughter to go to school, obviously that is a good thing!)
My son spent about a year on home schooling a few years back when his anxiety picked up sharply - best thing he ever did. Very hard on me, I will admit, but the break from the stress of school gave him a chance to really work on his issues.
The other thing is her age - at 12 years I'm guessing she's probably close to or already in puberty. This makes everyone nuts, even without pre-existing anxiety problems!