It suddenly dawned on me the other night that maybe this increased anxiety has been the worst since an accident I had a year ago. I smashed into a tree (head on) on a snowmobile, but walked away unharmed other than some bruises. Obviously right after I was shaken up, then I went through a phase where I thought it was "cool" sort of like the video "and they walked away" because it was pretty amazing that I did walk away, then I went through a phase where I thought it would have been better if I just died because then I wouldn't have to die from a disease and everyone I'd want around was already with me there. And it sure seems more interesting to die from a snowmobile accident than cancer or some other thing. I know that's sick, but it was a feeling I had. Then I sort of just shut the whole thing out. Maybe I'm just searching for a reason other than work to explain the anxiety, but who knows.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...