It suddenly dawned on me the other night that maybe this increased anxiety has been the worst since an accident I had a year ago. I smashed into a tree (head on) on a snowmobile, but walked away unharmed other than some bruises. Obviously right after I was shaken up, then I went through a phase where I thought it was "cool" sort of like the video "and they walked away" because it was pretty amazing that I did walk away, then I went through a phase where I thought it would have been better if I just died because then I wouldn't have to die from a disease and everyone I'd want around was already with me there. And it sure seems more interesting to die from a snowmobile accident than cancer or some other thing. I know that's sick, but it was a feeling I had. Then I sort of just shut the whole thing out. Maybe I'm just searching for a reason other than work to explain the anxiety, but who knows.
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