Man i dont eve feel like writing but it seems like the only and right thing to do right now. Im on 10 mg of lexapro, talking to a doctor back home on the phone, and seeing my school psychologist. I dont know what is holding on to me that i cant or wont let go. I FEEL NO EMOTION except NEGATIVE. It wears on me all day and makes me come quickly tired. I eat more than right, i excerise more then right (wrestling), I am taking steps in the right direction as far as getting help. What else can i do? I contacted the priest at my school and i asked him if he could help me find my inner strength again. I want to live. I want to be happy. Although there is something deep imbedded in this brain of mine. If i find out what is causing this will it get better? I dont know, i hope so though. I need to work with my doctor more and explaining how i feel in situations. I am scared to have a connection with people. I was demoralized my summer comming into college. I was brought around negative people and saw negative in every day life. I was sad my friends were going to college since weve grown up so close to eachtoher for close to our whole lives. Then senior year comes and i guess i felt jealous that some of my clsoe friends were hanigng out and drinking with other kids in our class. I always just pictured our close group of friends to have the best time of our lives. Then another group of people made their way in. I know i should not be jealous but everytime i go back to the root of where my anxiety started that is how i feel. Someone help me. Im tired and pissed of living this way now. It has been a year and a half and there is no reason for me to feel this way for this long. Please help
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