just when I think I have a hold on things I have an episode that makes me feel weak and alone. my chest is tight, my heart is pounding out of my chest , I can't seem to take a deep breath and the whole time I,m lookin for a tangable reason as to why I feel so out of control. I disect my life lookin for an answer but always come up empty, I have strss like everyone else but I don,t seem to cope like everyone else. my mother was a nervous wreck growin up and most of the time I blame the inner turmoil on her but reality is I wonder everyday why I cant be like everyone else. the frustrating thing is that I recognize the symptoms of GAD from my mom and I still can't stop it from overtaking me. I hate myself for that. My mother never adressed her problem and I constantly embrace it and pine away for the cure, however I still have no more control than she did. I see how her anxiety never allowed us to be close because she was so caught up in doing whatever minimized her symptoms. I too find myself doin the same when I swore I never would. . . numbing the pain and nerves with medications and always talkin myself down from a ledge. my biggest fear in this whole world is that my kids will see my anxiety and distance themselves from me as I did from my mother. i could not livve with that. what is the answer to inner peace? anyone who has found a peaceful place please message me
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