Its scary when i think back to how i was feeling a month or two ago. I was terrified for my life & consumed by panic attacks that lasted almost all day. I would anticipate them, I knew they were coming, and could not allow myself to relax...Every night they came, they terrified me, they made me cry, they made me feel insane, they made me feel like i was losing touch with reality, they made me want to jump out of my own skin & run as fast as i could away from my own body. My heart would pound, i would sweat, i would shake. And in the morning when i woke, i would jolt out of bed, instantly feeling scared. I started isolating myself in little ways, avoiding places where i could potentially get 'trapped'. And everytime the panic would rise i would feel more and more hopeless. Like no matter how many people were around me, I was drowning & no one could save me, and no one understood. My anxiety was consuming me.

I realize i dont feel like that anymore. I was diagnosed with panic disorder. I have been going through treatment, I take medications, I go to therapy, I educate myself, I read self-help books, I find support, I use relaxation techniques, I focus on my well being. I realize how i feel matters, I am not a burden to people & my life is important. My happiness is important & should come first. My body doesnt want to scare me, but it needed to because i wasnt listening. I wasnt listening to the subtle signs it was giving me that it needed a break, that it needed to be cared for, and it wanted me to feel happy. So it had to be forceful to get my attention, I didnt understand its prompt so i allowed it to trick me into all these wild feelings. Im proud of where ive come in my recovery. Im not 100 % better, but things do get better. Much better in fact. I look back at how i felt and i feel sad for myself that anyone in this world could feel that way, but i smile at the progress & know now i will get where i want to be. My anxiety cant and will not consume me. Its my body & my mind, and I have control. I am in the drivers seat. I truly believe this & because i believe in mind i can live panic free... someday (hopefully soon) i will :)