My heart is pounding just think about crowds. I don't like being around a bunch of people. Let me explain a little why this is. I'm partially blind. I have a small bit of peripheral vision and hardly any central (shadows & light). I've been loosing my sight over the past three years. I was never big on crowds when I had 20/20; however, now that I'm partially blind my anxiety level when around a crowd has spiked. I committed to going to a parade today (Thursday). There's going to be thousands of people there. ACK! I want to cancel because I'm scared. I'm not afraid about getting around. I have a cane and have pretty good mobility skills. It's just not being able to see faces and that many people around me... I feel trapped and unable to properly prepare myself for danger. I think that part is also related to the fact that I was abused by my father until I was 18. When I had 20/20 I judged how safe I felt to be around people by their facial reactions. I don't know what to do. Do I or do I not go? What good will running away do? Once I go to the parade, I'm stuck. I obviously can't drive and am going with a group of people, so I can't just leave when I want to. I'm so use to running away from so many things. I don't want to do that anymore. I'm trying to change my life and become stronger. How do I deal with being in the crowd? UGH! Can you hear my heart rapidly pulsating? I'm shaking just writing this and thinking about it. I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance!
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