Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi, I have recent hit a breaking point after the breakdown of my relationship with my partner of nearly 4 years.
To say this is the only problem or catalyst would def be wrong. Things have never quite been plain sailing since we first got together. But him leaving/ or was it me pushing (still not sure) my whole world seems to have unravelled.
When we first got together I actually had my previous boyfriend stalking me, death threats and break ins, violence - of course made our get together harder than most! I gave my new partner (Al) the option to leave, in fact encouraged him to stay away until the problem was resolved by the police etc. My ex went on the run, warrant for his arrest etc.........My partner decided to stay and I will always hold myself responsible for what was next to come in the relationship. We had been together for about a year when he had a breakdown, went completely psychotic and was taken in to hospital and diagnosed with Bi-polar. We was in a very bad way and doctors seemed keen to find a catalyst for this in his life (he was 29 when diagnosed)
Anyway, times where terrible and we did our best to rebuild things in our relationship but this was made hard as I was forever anxious as to what was round the corner. Should have seen the next one coming but did not and 11 months later he went missing, police were called and history repeated itself with him in hospital again and violence showing in his behaviour in hospital (for the first time) My Al, was such a softy - at 6 foot 4 he did not look it but he was a def gentle giant.
Anyway, back to life again afterwards and we both made the fatal mistake of smoking cannabis and drinking to medicate through our anxious times. Life was often up and down, both the nature of his illness and also being a carer for a lot of the relationship left me tired and responsible for everything - at least that's how it seemed!
Anyway, where am I going with this? Finally things deteriorated, and he went a way to get some space for a night, he then called to say he was coming home but I suggested a little longer to try to break the drinking and smoking cycles (and time to address our own problems) - he agreed but after two days said he did not want to come home at all, we were 2 days away from buying our first home together.
Since then i have completely unravelled. i know I need to focus on me but things are all up in the air. He texts (sometimes) emails (sometimes) And suggests talking (sometimes) He says he can't say it is over/ or not until his head is straight and cant give me any more than that. I know I should pull the plug finally or at least move on with my life but I have been unable to sleep, eating is slowly returning after dramatic weight loss.
And the anxiety is all consuming. There is lots more to it than just the relationship - the relationship gave me perfect cover for addressing my own issues which have ranged form eating disorders/ low self esteem/ anger/ image problems. Now I feel I am faced with correcting and looking at everything in my life and it just overwhelms me. I have been off work for 6 weeks and have just been signed off for another 6. Unable to see friends or even family. Recently started therapy and meds are helping me level to a degree.
Where do i go from here?
Miss
To say this is the only problem or catalyst would def be wrong. Things have never quite been plain sailing since we first got together. But him leaving/ or was it me pushing (still not sure) my whole world seems to have unravelled.
When we first got together I actually had my previous boyfriend stalking me, death threats and break ins, violence - of course made our get together harder than most! I gave my new partner (Al) the option to leave, in fact encouraged him to stay away until the problem was resolved by the police etc. My ex went on the run, warrant for his arrest etc.........My partner decided to stay and I will always hold myself responsible for what was next to come in the relationship. We had been together for about a year when he had a breakdown, went completely psychotic and was taken in to hospital and diagnosed with Bi-polar. We was in a very bad way and doctors seemed keen to find a catalyst for this in his life (he was 29 when diagnosed)
Anyway, times where terrible and we did our best to rebuild things in our relationship but this was made hard as I was forever anxious as to what was round the corner. Should have seen the next one coming but did not and 11 months later he went missing, police were called and history repeated itself with him in hospital again and violence showing in his behaviour in hospital (for the first time) My Al, was such a softy - at 6 foot 4 he did not look it but he was a def gentle giant.
Anyway, back to life again afterwards and we both made the fatal mistake of smoking cannabis and drinking to medicate through our anxious times. Life was often up and down, both the nature of his illness and also being a carer for a lot of the relationship left me tired and responsible for everything - at least that's how it seemed!
Anyway, where am I going with this? Finally things deteriorated, and he went a way to get some space for a night, he then called to say he was coming home but I suggested a little longer to try to break the drinking and smoking cycles (and time to address our own problems) - he agreed but after two days said he did not want to come home at all, we were 2 days away from buying our first home together.
Since then i have completely unravelled. i know I need to focus on me but things are all up in the air. He texts (sometimes) emails (sometimes) And suggests talking (sometimes) He says he can't say it is over/ or not until his head is straight and cant give me any more than that. I know I should pull the plug finally or at least move on with my life but I have been unable to sleep, eating is slowly returning after dramatic weight loss.
And the anxiety is all consuming. There is lots more to it than just the relationship - the relationship gave me perfect cover for addressing my own issues which have ranged form eating disorders/ low self esteem/ anger/ image problems. Now I feel I am faced with correcting and looking at everything in my life and it just overwhelms me. I have been off work for 6 weeks and have just been signed off for another 6. Unable to see friends or even family. Recently started therapy and meds are helping me level to a degree.
Where do i go from here?
Miss
MaRhianna
Sorry you feel so sad....hope the meds and therapy will help you thro this crisis. Maybe you and your boyfriend need to have some space until you are both feeling better. All the best.
deleted_user
Take it one step at a time. You don't even have to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time might be good. I'm going through something kind of similar. It's not going to be easy, but it's not impossible either. The most important thing is to let your dr. know all of these issues. My good friend has bi-polar, and it is really hard, especially when she's not getting the right treatment. She's been self medicating with marijuana too. And if she's not high, forget about it, she's locked herself away and can't deal with anything. BUT think about it this way... you were both about to buy your house... imagine how problems (especially financial problems) would arise if that had happened. So you just have to try to view your situation from different perspectives. Things suck, especially when your so anxious you can't even think clearly... but always try to look at different aspects of each situation. No matter how bad something is, I find there is always something good to pull out of it, a lesson, or whatever. But keep posting here. Sometimes it helps just to let it out.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
