So, my husband came home from iraq on dec. 11. 2008. and so me and him had alot of fun and sex and stuff. and now i think i might be pregnant im really trying not to worry about it but i think i am but ive take 3 clear blue easy tests and they all say NEG... and i kno i havent missed my period yet but i want to kno... but i dont want to go to the doctor because the last time i went to doc for baby things i misscarried and the doc i was given through the military didnt even ease my worries.. so i was kinda pissed about that and not only with the baby things but my husband left and had to go back to iraq to finish 10 montsh there in that god forsaken place and im left her wondering and pondering if these 10 months will ever truly end.. and then there are my real dads adoptive parents stressing me out and my 'gpa' is sick and my 'gma' is telling my mom how she is gonna gulit trip me into things and i dont think that is very nice to take advantage of your own 'family' sorta pisses me off and i want to write her a letter telling her how i feel about it but i am scared i will say the wrong thing.. but then again im not. And my real dad got married a few months back and has his own family now but has never tried to reconsile with me and my brother.. who are from his first marriage, and yet my 'gma' keeps updating me on his life. What does she want me to say? that i am happy for him? Cuz honestly i am not, He should have asked for my brothers and my blessing i think he should have at least considered how we felt and now we get crazy pressure from our adoptided dads adoptive parents and i feel like in all of this when i was younger i was forced to belive a good family was there when it was not, My mom is a professional cheater, my real dad is a profesional addict and hype, my step dad is a coward cuz he killed himself when i was 15, my brother is anger striken, my half sister Jill is lonely and hasnt found herself, my other sister palmer whos 14 dates to feel loved, and the baby lyndon who is 10 yearns for everyones and everybodys approval just like me, Except i messed that one up i think, i tried to follow my own path and do what i wanted to do and so i got my tongue pierced and i love it its just my family now looks at me and cares how other people will see me even tho i am who i am. i am married, i am happy, i am scared for my maybe baby's life, for its upbringing, and i have the strongest sorrow for the world around me.
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