If you are currently taking a medication (SSRI) you may want to talk with your doctor. When taking any of the depression/anxiety meds I had no sex drive and other sexual difficulties. If not being on medication is not an option you may want to try another type.

If NOT on medication again I would talk wiht your doctor about something that may help. Sometimes when I have too much anxiety to be in the mood I take Xanax to help me relax.

With 90% of this group being women, I can not believe as a guy I am answering this post. I've got to be crazy. Maybe I will join the crazy group after this post.

My wife is very understanding and has gained better insight from going together to my therapist. She was able to talk to someone about her needs and concerns.
If you can get him to therapy with you, that neutral pro in the room can do wonders for you.

Most people do not and can not understand what we go through. My wife could be laying next to me in bed and I could feel so lonely you would of thought I was on a deserted island. As a man I craved cuddling more than I ever did before. It felt secure to have that touch and reassurance.

Sex is something that has continued for us. There are times when I am hurting physically from my spinal injuries and times that the anxiety just is to much.

I would recommend showing him in small ways. Special meals more attention, compliments. You know how you girls can schmooze the guys. Make up for the sex with other special attention.

Good Luck

Its hard to take care of your self....let alone your partner at times like these.
I agree with 'twood'...talk to your doctor it might be medication.

Your husband needs to be more understanding. If you are not in couples therapy, I think you should try it. my husband and I are going to start soon....I feel like someone has opened a door into a new beginning for us. It does and can help.
Communication really is the key!
Best of luck.....and I am here for you!

i know what you mean truly i do. but the way i handle it is I do it anyway. For me love someone means putting them first. My husband always does this for me. So I do it in return. And as much as sometimes I just dont want to be touched or have sex I end up enjoying it once I start doing it. And sometimes it works for me. and then I really feel good like maybe I am normal after all. Its hard but if you love him try it put his needs first. hugs to you

First off, thank you for posting this, because I have been going through this as well. My husband is very supportive of my anxiety problems, but he also asks for sex at random times and if I'm feeling like total crap, I say no. Right now, because therapy is getting hard, all I want is to lay with him, but he wants more. Can't that be enough? :P So I totally hear you. When I say that I just can't or whatever, he backs right off. I know it's hard for them, I do. And for me, it adds to the guilt that I'm dealing with NOT feeling all the time, that I'm being selfish and I should give him what I want. This is one of the many things I'm working on in therapy.

Like twood said, it's probably your meds. I am on Paxil and it absolutely slaughtered my sex drive. I know other meds do that, too. But sometimes, the longer your on it, the more that side effect can lessen. For me though, to be on Paxil and feel normal and not like I'm going to spiral out of control, kind of trumps the sex thing. I know that sounds selfish. I will, however, give in, but I just end up not getting much out of it. It might be something we go to my counselor about, but not right now. Although I'm sure it would help, we're getting at deeper things with me, so I need to focus on that.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. You're not alone in this one :) Hugs to you!

Just to add to my original post, I have been in Klonopin for 14 years and I do understand that that can impact sex drive. Also, he has been jobless for a year, we've been through very harrowing financial negotiations with his ex-wife twice, my stepson has suddenly decided that I don't exist (he's a teenager so I know it happens), we've been through marital counseling for 3 years over issues surrounding money, goals, child rearing as we don't agree on how my stepson should be raised/disciplined so the plan is I've stepped out of any role really, so there's been a lot going on that's contributed to my current state of anxiety. I don't want him to wander around feeling unloved as that only leads to problems but sometimes I just feel like: 'Dude, cut me a break here. I've been cutting you breaks over all of this external stress for a long time.' He also gets angry/agitated with me when I feel so bad that I go to the ER. I am working with a lot of people to get to the root of my anxiety and sometimes I just feel totally tapped out. I'm trying to maintain a singing career etc. etc. It's been so difficult. I don't want to deny sex but there really isn't a sex drive within miles for me and I don't like it. I used to have a sex drive and I had it while I was on this medication. Maybe too many things going on at once has just killed it off right now. I just wish that we could come to some sort of understanding when I'm having a really rough day or couple of days. I've told him that I love him and I don't want to such him out, I'm just trying so hard to maintain so that I keep myself out of panic and out of the ER.

I meant 'shut him out'. sorry

I can't add much, I can relate to alot of these things as well. I have an understanding but sometimes lonely for affection husband. Sometimes I feel lucky that any man would want me at all. If I voice that, I usually get a hug and an " I love you" so this time around I'm fortunate. Still, how I am can really lower my self worth at times.

Do you wanna have sex too or do you just feel like not doing it at all?

I found sex can actually help me when I'm anxious because it forces me to shift my focus.
I'm sorry you are going through this hard time.
I can't offer much advice since I'm not married and I have no idea what it's like, but as far as the anxiety goes, I'd recommend practicing on shifting your focus from the anxious feelings to other aspects of your life. Are you on meds?
If so I agree with everyone else, that could be it, but if not try to breathe deeply and focus on NOW, this moment to alleviate some of that anxiety. Remember, it doesn't last forever you will get through this.
Ask ur husband to read some info on anxiety... that might broaden his mind about how ur feeling.

Thankyou for this post!
I havent had sex with my partner for about a month now and the thought of it makes me feel quite ill.
I love him to bits but i just done like myself at all and i keep thinking he can do better than me because im damaged!
I hope you find your way through this, please tell me if you find a solution because im no nearer to one. Hugs xx

I totally feel you on this one. Sex is the last thing on my mind too. After dealing with 3 kids all day. Cleaning, and all the duties of a mother and a wife i am tired. And he wants me all the time. And i do feel guilty not giving in all the time but sorry. I have learned that men think that sex cures everything. IT doesn't for woman. It may for them but not us. I have also noticed the more we talked about not having it and him wanting it all the time turned me off even more. I guess to be spontanous would work better. Good luck