I had my second surgery at the begining of this year. My first was when I was 18, I had cysts removed. And since I have been struggling to fight off the chronic pain. Its a constant uphill battle, and My body seems to be so imbalance. I have good days and bad days, but even with the good days I feel a heavy weight of emotional pain. Currently going to counseling (therapy) yet at times, its hard to see my efforts especially when I am in so much pain all the time.
I keep getting sinus infections. Awful dental pain and headaches, and dizziness. Not to mention the crippling cramps I get. Its paralyzing at times.
I wish I knew what to do with myself. After the dentist yesterday, I cried and cried. I am so scared of what will happen. Im trying hard to take responsibility for my health, but having all these issues weighs so heavily and I am always so tired. It never feels enough my efforts, and I have the worst anxiety That I am not enough.
I just cant stand myself! whenever I get a flare, I scream 'whats wrong with me'. I keep trying and trying... and its a constant struggle to keep up with everything. I wish I didnt have so much pain and anxiety.
I suppose I wanted to rant, have a place where someone understand the pain I am going through without judgement.
Sometimes, its hard not to blame yourself, while your body is 'betraying you' for putting yourself through so much, at the same time that blame game is awfully cruel, and Im trying to keep it at bay or else I feel I am going to spiral into depression. Been there and its so hard to climb out, and its so hard to ask for help... because in the end its like your alone. You have to take responisbility for your own pain/health/self care etc. Who else will advocate for you, but you? as I am the only one who suffers through it and thats a lonely, sad thought.
Has anyone ever experienced blacking out from anxiety. yesterday I had a disociative attack and I dont know how to deal with it. I keep spiriling thinking about it and I just feel so embarrassed about how I looked and the episode. All I want to do is be invisable right now and I cant stop focusing on it. Sorry if im just rambling I just dont know if anyone has experienced that too.
My adult son was arrested 2 weeks ago on some very serious charges which he vehemently denies (I believe him and so does his court appointed attorney). It is a terrible situation. The kind that tears a family in two.He is in a very violent jail, one of the more violent in the country. He is scared and confused, I am heartbroken and devestated. This is the first experience in our family with the...