so I made a mistake or maybe not? ugh i dont know.. I went to see my bf's mom last night after i dropped him off. I didnt tell him i was heading there he was at his friends so I knew he wouldnt know. I wanted to talk to someone I was desperate to talk to someone who knows him as well or better than I do. Anyway I told her the things I was afraid of everything and she told me on some level that i was right. But the thing that made me nervous the thing thats been making my stomach flip and me nauseous sick literally to my stomach was this: "I'd rather see him high than drunk any day ive told him plenty of times and I can tell you that im a pothead im his mother and im a pothead. Heck if I didnt know that they were going to do a drug test at work soon I would be high right now." I told her if she was telling me that I should let him smoke and get high she said no but sometimes people need outlets. how can she say that? I told her why it would hurt me so much for him to do it. How could she just sweep it like that? and then she said if he de-stressed with it better would I rather stay with him or let him smoke and let him go. How could she say that? how? I refuse to let my morals slip. But I dont want to lose him either he is truly the love of my life. She said that he might be seeing me use celexa and Xanax and think that since I can use my pills he should be able to smoke and she asked me if he asked me to stop using the pills if I would stop and I said yes. She looked shocked but i could I could give it all up for him. But at this point..would he? Im so lost and hurt I feel like my heart is going to burst and as if im going to have a anxiety attack even though im not because ive been feeling like this all day. I feel like im going to die and I dont care right now. it hurt so much that she said that to me. so much. I know that she wasnt trying to hurt me or anything and she loves me but it hurt so much. it hurt. so bad. im so hurt.
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