so I made a mistake or maybe not? ugh i dont know.. I went to see my bf's mom last night after i dropped him off. I didnt tell him i was heading there he was at his friends so I knew he wouldnt know. I wanted to talk to someone I was desperate to talk to someone who knows him as well or better than I do. Anyway I told her the things I was afraid of everything and she told me on some level that i was right. But the thing that made me nervous the thing thats been making my stomach flip and me nauseous sick literally to my stomach was this: "I'd rather see him high than drunk any day ive told him plenty of times and I can tell you that im a pothead im his mother and im a pothead. Heck if I didnt know that they were going to do a drug test at work soon I would be high right now." I told her if she was telling me that I should let him smoke and get high she said no but sometimes people need outlets. how can she say that? I told her why it would hurt me so much for him to do it. How could she just sweep it like that? and then she said if he de-stressed with it better would I rather stay with him or let him smoke and let him go. How could she say that? how? I refuse to let my morals slip. But I dont want to lose him either he is truly the love of my life. She said that he might be seeing me use celexa and Xanax and think that since I can use my pills he should be able to smoke and she asked me if he asked me to stop using the pills if I would stop and I said yes. She looked shocked but i could I could give it all up for him. But at this point..would he? Im so lost and hurt I feel like my heart is going to burst and as if im going to have a anxiety attack even though im not because ive been feeling like this all day. I feel like im going to die and I dont care right now. it hurt so much that she said that to me. so much. I know that she wasnt trying to hurt me or anything and she loves me but it hurt so much. it hurt. so bad. im so hurt.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??