I don't know what support group to put this post in. Besides belonging to anger management I belong to financial challenges and shopping addiction and this post envolves all three. I feel more sad than anger though. I just got back from a friends house. Earlier in the day we went to this one resturant where it costs an arm and a leg to eat at and the only thing I could afford was a Pepsi. I did eat earlier but seeing my friend eating made me hungry again. She going on a trip in a couple of days and I agreed to watch over her pets while she's gone so she shows me the ropes on how to take care of them. She says that she's stressed because she has so much stuff to do before her trip. How can you get stressed going on vacation? I LOVE to travel and havent been on a trip in 2 years! 2 YEARS of staying in boring ass Ohio! She did invite me but I've been out of a job for over a year now and there is no way that I can get money to go on a trip. Later on she calls her bank on her cell phone to get the balance of her account. And she does this on speakerphone. I'm glad that my friend is doing well in life but I can't help to think what about me? Why can't I get a job so I can travel. I've sent in my resumes all over the place. I've prayed and prayed and prayed that GOD will give me a job. He's done it before. Right now I have this lump in my stomach because I need to cry to get this frustration out of me. And yes I'm ashamed that I have these feeling right now. My friend has been through alot over the past couple of years and finally she's getting her life back together. I email/mail/fill out applications and I haven't had a job interview since September. My mom "retired" last August and she signed up to be a temp and got a job right away. I have 20 years of customer serivce. I go into work when I'm sick (as long as I'm not throwing up). I gave up my days off when an employee called off of work. I stay over when needed. I'm a damn good employee but no one wants to touch me. One of the reasons I want a job is because I miss my old life. I miss eating out at resturants and going shopping and taveling. These things make me content. I just feel so left out. My friend asked me earlier what is the worst that could happen. I told her that if things don't change soon I may do something drastic. I'm not Heath Ledger depressed but I can't go on like this anymore. I am a broken person. I keep telling myself that I have it a hell of alot better than alot of people. I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, my health is so so (I have arthristis and I'm not in any serious pain at the moment). But it's not enough. I just what to yell out WHAT ABOUT ME GOD? What about me?
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