
Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.

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I am female, but used to go into verbal slash attacks when I was with my first husband. I would feel stupid or insecure, and I would just launch an attack on him (not a problem anymore since we divorced and I went on anti-depressents which seemed to kill my feelings of uncontrolled anger).
However, I am dating a guy now (over year now) who is loving most of the time .. but every once in a while will FLIP in a heartbeat. Usually over me not being able to fly fast enough in an online game or not "getting" what he was trying to tell me the first time with directions. He calls me an idiot or "don't be stupid" or "I'm not clumsy like that" ... and it hurts. For those of you who do that to people .. what IS the reaction from people you could get that would make you stop or stop and check yourself? Would a person standing up to you and not taking the abusive words make you want to shove that person out of your life? What seems to make your anger worse in those situations?
However, I am dating a guy now (over year now) who is loving most of the time .. but every once in a while will FLIP in a heartbeat. Usually over me not being able to fly fast enough in an online game or not "getting" what he was trying to tell me the first time with directions. He calls me an idiot or "don't be stupid" or "I'm not clumsy like that" ... and it hurts. For those of you who do that to people .. what IS the reaction from people you could get that would make you stop or stop and check yourself? Would a person standing up to you and not taking the abusive words make you want to shove that person out of your life? What seems to make your anger worse in those situations?
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In answer to your question, take my advice for what you think it may be worth. I cant promise good results. Fussing over skills in an online-game or in grasping directions seems rather petty to me but each relationship is different. If it really bothers you, pick an appropriate time not a time when the both of you are upset and on edge but be calm, cool, and collected but also assertive, specific, and clear. (My wife says that I dont take hints very well.) Start by showing love and concern for him. Ask him if anything is really troubling him Does he have fears about his work, education, money, or other issues? Ask him if he would like some help. He might just be exhibiting displaced aggression. If he does not seem to have any hidden worries about himself, then later calmly confront him about his cruel name-calling. Explain that you are sorry that you disappoint him but that his insults and name-calling is unproductive, hurting you, and will not be tolerated (Provide specific examples of hurtful incidences if he seems to be confused.) Depending on how upset you have become with his past comments, and if you have the strength to follow through, you might say that if he is so dissatisfied and disappointed with you, then he is free to leave.
If he continues to berate you in the days that follow this discussion, then calmly but deliberately end the activity and walk away or ask that he leave you alone. I think that he would first feel angry, confused, and hurt. He will wonder why you are doing this to him and to the relationship. You might remind him of how his insults hurt you and explain that you will no longer allow yourself to be subjected to it. After a few repeated departures on your part, I think that he would get the message that his cruel comments will no longer be accepted. Ultimately, if nothing seems to satisfy you or get him to quit, have a decision to make: Continue to put up with his behavior or end the relationship. Unfortunately, I dont know how he will react. Each person may react differently based on his own values, self-esteem, and experiences.
In summary and to more specifically answer your questions:
1. I would stop and check myself if someone whose relationship I valued told me that things must change or that I would lose someones love and attention.
2. If someone stood up to me and would not take the abusive words, I doubt that I would want to shove that person out of my life. Yet, if I felt low and if I felt that I needed to try to make someone feel lower than me, I might want to shove such an assertive person out of my life.
3. To reduce the likelihood of making the situation worse, I emphasize that if you are going to confront him, do it in a calm but deliberate way. Start with a feeling of love and concern. Dont raise your voice or argue. Simply tell him how it is going to be if the relationship is going to continue.