My name is Halen, I'm a 21 yr. old male with uncontrollable rage. I get set off by the dumbest things and sometimes nothing really has to happen for me to suddenly feel angry. Right now I'm trying to deal with thoughts of my childhood. When I was 7 i started to be sexually abused by a close family member, I have never mentioned it to anyone. I know that my past has alot to do with my anger, but I feel like I have left that in the past. It has been just recently that those thoughts have been coming back and I don't know why because I was doing fine. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night panicky and sometimes confused. When the thoughts start coming back I get mad and randomly start punching anything I can. I get verbally abusive at the people around me and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I don't even know how loud I'm screaming until I'm done. I have noticed that when I try to control my anger I feel faint, weak and get really shaky. I've seen a therapist before but I never mentioned the abuse, even when I was asked. It is too emberrasing and shameful to me. I did however tell him about my drug abuse problem I had when I was younger, but he just asked if I had done drugs before and when I said yes he never asked me why, what kind, or for how long I've used them. Even if he would have I don't think I would have said anything. I have a 2 yr. old and although I have never abused him in any way I feel like the lowest scum on earth because I know he deserves a good father not someone like me.Me and his mother are not together so I'm a single father. Any advice/support anyone can give will be highly appreciated, I really need it right now. Thanks -Halen By the way I stopped using drugs when I found out I was going to be a father, but lately I find it hard to keep it out of my mind, which is why I'm pleading for help. My son doesn't deserve someone like me, he deserves way better.
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