Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.
Ok well here I am. I have no idea waht to do next but I am lost. Like theres no point going on but obviously I will.
I am 43 and I guess chronic codependent. I have screwed up every relationship I ever had with it, I just never wanted to admit how big a problem I had.
I was brought up in a emotionally turbullent family, always the peace maker between mum and dad, the medaitor and in addition was brought up as a Jehovahs Witness. Always felt like I was failing, either failing God or my parents. I guess I quickly developed a double life, the one acceptable to my family and the one I thought would help me survive.
I met a girl and settled down, only to find that she had suffered serious abuse for 13 years at the hands of her Witness father. This sent me over the edge, yet again I couldnt trust anyone..its longer than that but for now that will do.
I became a compulsive gambler and ended up in prison twice.
I got divorced and remarried but found it hard, no impossible to be normal. I dont even know what that is, I never did. Iacted like the life and soul of the party but inside I was nothing, I am nothing. That marriage ended and then I met my present partner.
She is wonderful, and I mean wonderful, everything I told myself I needed to be ok. I was gambling agin when I met her, but it all came out and she stood by me. But still I find it impossible to control myself, my actions, my mouth everything. I said I would stop smoking and used the excuse of withdrawals for venting my rage inside me. My hatred of who I am, the futile life I lead.
I have been clean from Gambling for over a year, and have tried to quit smoking more times than is sensible and I am fine until i hear criticism, then I explode. If she is happy with me I am fine, and if I displease her I fall apart. I am scared of every male she comes into contact with as seeing them both as a threat and better than me.
In truth anyone is bette rthan me at the moment. When I am with her (she lives in Slovakia and I live in UK) then I seem to do better but when she goes I get lost, dont take care of myself, smoke like an addict and generally fall aaprt. I lie to her about my being clean from smoking as I want to be the hero...something I am not.
Last night it blew up again, I went on her computer and found a message from a guy who flirts with her, it sent me over the edge. I said "why dont you stop him doing this? Do you like it is it going somewhere?" I read her responses to him and they seemed lukewarm at best, not encouraging and not discouraging. I found he is at a conference with her this weekend and feel terrified, but last night I erupted and pushed her (she says hit and I guess she is right0 I have never before in a relationship raised my hand but in this I have done so a number of times.
Today I finally admit I am codependent and very sick, she says she will be my friend but not partner as I dont know what real love means. I am so scared about this weekend, about my life about losing her that it hurts like a pain I have ever felt.
Is there any hope? what can I do? should I be a man and just walk and give her the peace she deserves?
43 and pathetic
I am 43 and I guess chronic codependent. I have screwed up every relationship I ever had with it, I just never wanted to admit how big a problem I had.
I was brought up in a emotionally turbullent family, always the peace maker between mum and dad, the medaitor and in addition was brought up as a Jehovahs Witness. Always felt like I was failing, either failing God or my parents. I guess I quickly developed a double life, the one acceptable to my family and the one I thought would help me survive.
I met a girl and settled down, only to find that she had suffered serious abuse for 13 years at the hands of her Witness father. This sent me over the edge, yet again I couldnt trust anyone..its longer than that but for now that will do.
I became a compulsive gambler and ended up in prison twice.
I got divorced and remarried but found it hard, no impossible to be normal. I dont even know what that is, I never did. Iacted like the life and soul of the party but inside I was nothing, I am nothing. That marriage ended and then I met my present partner.
She is wonderful, and I mean wonderful, everything I told myself I needed to be ok. I was gambling agin when I met her, but it all came out and she stood by me. But still I find it impossible to control myself, my actions, my mouth everything. I said I would stop smoking and used the excuse of withdrawals for venting my rage inside me. My hatred of who I am, the futile life I lead.
I have been clean from Gambling for over a year, and have tried to quit smoking more times than is sensible and I am fine until i hear criticism, then I explode. If she is happy with me I am fine, and if I displease her I fall apart. I am scared of every male she comes into contact with as seeing them both as a threat and better than me.
In truth anyone is bette rthan me at the moment. When I am with her (she lives in Slovakia and I live in UK) then I seem to do better but when she goes I get lost, dont take care of myself, smoke like an addict and generally fall aaprt. I lie to her about my being clean from smoking as I want to be the hero...something I am not.
Last night it blew up again, I went on her computer and found a message from a guy who flirts with her, it sent me over the edge. I said "why dont you stop him doing this? Do you like it is it going somewhere?" I read her responses to him and they seemed lukewarm at best, not encouraging and not discouraging. I found he is at a conference with her this weekend and feel terrified, but last night I erupted and pushed her (she says hit and I guess she is right0 I have never before in a relationship raised my hand but in this I have done so a number of times.
Today I finally admit I am codependent and very sick, she says she will be my friend but not partner as I dont know what real love means. I am so scared about this weekend, about my life about losing her that it hurts like a pain I have ever felt.
Is there any hope? what can I do? should I be a man and just walk and give her the peace she deserves?
43 and pathetic
deleted_user
there's always hope. pursuing a healing journey takes time and a lot of work and a lot of perseverance. it's hard to be in a place of standing in our pain, but sometimes it motivates us to change. when the pain of staying the same is greater than changing, we change....hang in there and don't give up. try to attend some relationship addiction or codependent meetings. that may really help. of course, therapy and counseling are good choices too. i'm so sorry you are going through so much right now......
pageo
Get some therapy..I did and it makes a world of difference. You do not have to be codependent forever. There is the possibility of change. Sounds like you are with some shame for your actions in present and in past. That is a very significant emotion...one of the most powerful core emotions...Also reading the book "creating Love" it will help to identify where and how this codepedentcy has evolved. its roots and give a better description in terms of how it works and doesn't work in life...as well as addresses you family of origins. Pretty psychological book but really gives the map in order to open awareness.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
