its not really clear by your post what you are refering to when you say that this doesn't apply to "your" problem. care to clarify the nature of your problem?

But as for the first part of your post, I don't think that anger comes from a lack of understanding. perhaps a lack of empathy for what the true thoughts, feelings, motivations of others fuel the assumptions and emotions that lead to angered feelings, but I have to agree with Yoda that "fear leads to anger"

Whenever I deeply examine my anger, I am able to bring it back to its root in fear. Fear that the person who is tripping my trigger is somehow rejecting me? Fear of not being good enough? Fear of my vulnerabilities being exposed? Fear of loss... losing intimacy... losing face... losing control... losing power? I was just talking with my husband last night, who also has anger management challenges, and we are learning through this process together. I talked to him about a recent time when he said something angrily that was hurtful and mean to me, and that was not at all based on reality, but rather on his assumptions in how he interpreted what I MIGHT have been thinking. It was really nice to be able to talk through it... something which 5 years ago would never have been a possibility. Together we got to the root of his fear in that scenario, and my fear, which caused me to respond to his anger in anger myself. It was a true Christmas miracle. lol.

But really... I think the biggest issue with anger management is examining the "fear of losing power/control"... because all too often, the anger response leads to a control issue... and from the seat of anger arises abusive actions, and the whole thing just spirals out of control. Ironically, fear of losing control (of a situation, or of their emotions/vulnerability) causes people to often lose control (of themselves.... the only thing we can ever truly hope to HAVE control over!)

life is funny that way.

"fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred, hatred leads to the darkside" -yoda

I believe anger is generated internally by self or provoked. Bottom line is people either just don't care or dont understand. Anger gives others the satifaction that they succeeded in the the best of us. Honestly what is the point of letting of letting them get to us. My theory is either except me or leave me alone period no if and or buts about that. I don't get to the point where I break things it don't really make things better. I t comes down to self control and the choices that we make. All I want in life is MUTUAL RESPECT and trust me I get what I want or they take the door and don't let it hit you on the way out. I don't care if it is friends or family I did it and I am now a stronger person. I had made my own family. Some people might say I am harsh or whatever they want but I make my life not others.