it is my place so if he says he is leaving then leave.last night i staarted packing his shit and of course i come across all of the letters,cards and pictures.wow what a help. weeping the entire time and he comes in to talk to me.we have a good talk but i can't get my head around the fact that this is over.he said that he loves me, he always will, he will miss me and our life, so why is he leaving? he says that he is not sure if he wants this to be over...by the way i have anger issues...but he says he may want to hang on, then says that when he thinks about his future,he doesn't see me in it.his career is really picking up and he has the kind of job where he always away and he is hoping to be able to go on the road which would mean being around for only 4 days on top of working his regualr job.this makes me feel like he only wants his job and nothing else.i helped him get where he is today.part of me fears that he will forget me or find someone better, but despite my faults i am the best of whats around.at least i need to believe this.it kills me to think that there may be a girl dumb enough to give up everything to follow him around. this is exactly what he would need to be happy.i did all of this, but spoke my mind along the way.he gives me this shred of hope that there is a chance that we can make it then looks me dead in the eye and says my future holds no place for you.then cries about it.that takes balls as far as i am concerned.i know that time heals all but this is the first time that i was with a guy where marraige plans were discussed, names picked out, moved in with, looked up places for the honeymoon with and planned my life around. so while this is not at all my first relationship, this is definately my first true heart ache.we have all been dumped and dumped others,but not every relationship goes down the marraige pathway.his parents tell me they love me.what of that?we fight a lot but there has been infidelity and lying so naturally that would make a person defensive,not that what i have done is right,but at least i am not a total nutjob...not yet:) wouldn't it have been just as effective to not mention a future without me in it?i know that i am young, 27, but i invested in a man that i was going to marry.when will the hurt stop?i feel like a complete failure.then this morning he says that he wouldn't mind snowboarding with me this winter. what?youre leaving me!and of course i am just trying to hold on here.any advice?
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