Life is so complicated right now, like I feel like everything is just piling on top of everything else and it's so overwhelming..I have this essay due tomorrow and I havent even started it, and I dont even know how..usually essays pop out really easy for me but it doesnt seem like I can even think straight any more. My gf and I are still together, but recently we have been argueing like on the daily and its always over dumb shit..Like I just get in these moods where for no reason at all I hate her....and like everyone around me and I get so angry that I cant control it and I lash out on everyone and everything...I almost broke my hand cuz I got so angry that I punched my concrete wall in my room for no reason at all..I havent been in school for 3 days cuz I got surgery on my mouth and I feel like I'm gonna die..my stomach is killing me and I already threw up once..My gf's brother keeps asking me to do things with him..we had something forever ago and my gf knows that but she doesnt know that he is still asking me for things..i dont know how to tell her without making her hate her brother and without jeropdizing our relationship..Like 5 days ago I just lost it..I couldnt stop crying and I just wanted to give up and she[mygf] was there and she grabbed my hand and told me she loved me and she came and held me close and although it should have helped[and after a while it did] it made me feel selfish..i dont think I deserve her and when I told her that I feel that she almost cried and told me that she never wants to lose me and I am the best thing that ever happened to her but I cant see it..I have hurt her so many times with my angry fits and I just cant stand hurting her...I just dont know what to do anymore..I wish I could just stop being so angry....so many things would be solved..
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