jOURNALING, TALKING ABOUT IT, YOU HAVE TO GET THINGS OUT, BEFORE YOU CAN GET BETTER, SEE A THERAPIST IF YOU NEED TO.

I am new as well and am in the same predicament as you. I was bron into and raised in a violent atmosphere and don't know how to deal with anger unless I use my fists. I read the first thing that we've done positively is ackowledge the anger problem so you're headed in the right direction I need to know how to react and surpress the instant rage I get so I don't get arrested.

I usually try to just walk away as quickly as possible and find somewhere to scream my head off. I'm still mad but I feel better getting something out.

thanks dahlia. I ususally avoid confrontation because I know I will not talk, I'll swing and then it's too late. The humiliation of having to walk away is difficult to shake. I still think about a girl I walked away from in a bar once because I knew I would get into a fight. I still regret waling away. Any funny ways to deal with it? That would probrably work well for me.

I am new to this community, too. Looking for the same kind of help. I always verbally attack my boyfriend when he does the tiniest things, and i fear it is getting in the way of us having a happy relationship. I keep saying, "next time I will be better", then next time comes and I act the same way. Then feel guilty. Of course, my bipolar doesn't help, and the result of me being angry and then guilty send me into this hell depression and I'll slice myself on the arms or legs, which is a bipolar way of dealing with emotional pain. So I need a lot of help or I'll lose everything.

mike is right but journal and talking with counselors doesnt help IN THE MOMENT....... you HAVE to be able to TALK with yourself briefly when feeling these things coming up... you may think theres no warning or 'trigger' but there is.
find out the 'sign' that you are becoming angry. for me its short breathing. i know i am about to explode when that happens and I FORCE myself to TAKE a step back and LOOK at myself before REACTING... but it takes a while... you have to PRACTICE. for starters, heres a simple exercise.

think of something that makes you laugh, every time, and PRACTICE envisioning it.. think of every detail. THEN find your 'trigger' that pisses you off most in life and PRACTICE thinking about the trigger, then the funny thing. Trigger. Funny. Trigger. Funny.

when you have that down, THE NEXT TIME you start to blow, envision your funny image. THEN, IN THAT SECOND, you must REMIND YOURSELF that anger has damaged your life, and tell yourself if theres no threat to innocent life that you and only you can prevent in that instant, theres no cause for violence. EVER.same goes for abusing your boyfriend wakeon. you "THINK" its getting in the way of your having a happy relATIONSHIP? youre lucky this person even hangs around you. Why should they? Dont mean to be harsh but these are the things you have to ask yourself in AMT. I did, even though it hurt a lot, and i have my shit under control now. you too chaddo. its not MIGHT its WILL. She WILL eventually have had enough.... and why should she put up with YOUR b.s. till then? because right now shes having A CRAPPY TIME (((LIKE MY EX DID)))... NO ONE LIKES TO LIVE WITH AN ANGRY PERSON WHO FORCES OTHERS TO DEAL WITH HIM/HER.

sound hard? IT IS. but you simply have to do these 'blocking exercises' and get good at them.

Anger mgt. is like martial arts, but all defense. you have to KNOW what you are vulnerable to and be FAST to recognize your triggers immediately. becaise as chrisbull says its too late once the anger comes. its all about SENSING IT COMING and DRIVING a positive thought in between the ANGER and YOU. because we are humans and we're given control over our emotions... we just have to WORK to keep it. the anger is NOT you, it's just an overgrown PART of you.... MOST ANGRY PEOPLE ARE COMPETITIVE... ITELL MYSELF EVERY DAY THAT IM GOING TO ONCEAGAIN DEFEAT THIS STUPID EMOTION AND SHOW IT WHO'S BOSS.

ok hope that helps. its really tough. this is an ok site.

http://www.athealth.com/consumer/disorders/angercontrol.html

db.

Thank you so much!! That's what I need to do. I'll try that excercise till I get really good at it. Thank you!!

My prayer journal has helped me and so has reading the Bible as well as therapy. Sometimes, I'll even call up my mom to vent.

To defuse anger on a daily basis, I use these relaxation exercises whenever I have quiet, private time, using these cue words: release and let go.

Sit comfortably and notice your breathing. Say the word "relax" as you inhale, pause momentarily to notice that the breath is now in your Solar Plexis or upper back, then breathe out and say silently "release". Repeat as many time as you want to.

Next release is a "let go". Do the same inhalation, pause then exhalation, and the breath is in you head this time, and to relieve stress and negativity, say "let go". Repeat.

Finally, the "anger" beast dwells in your liver as well. Use the healing sound Shsh .... to defuse anger stored there, again with breath.

When I feel the "beast" prancing at me , I use the visualization technique suggested by the others. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but at least I feel I have another way to defuse and control my anger, which I TRY TO control before it does the damage.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I try to take my anger to the outside like in my car and yell. Anything to be responsible for it. but hey, leaving my BF when I need to cool off doesn't work. Even though I have told him a bunch of times it is anger management.

Well done for admiting you have a problem with controlling your anger. That is the first step.

Now try finding things you enjoy doing, that doesn't require much thought when you are angry. It might help to make a list of activities and put it somewhere that is easily accessible.

Your anger is time and energy directed wrongly. Why not include activities that involves your wife and communicate your feelings and ideas with her, that way when you do these particular activites she will be aware that you are frustrated and are asking silently for her help to defuse w/o hurting her.

I know what you mean. I'm new to this as well. I recently snapped really bad. It affects my relationships. Last nite I snapped really bad. We r in a bit of a situation in regards to feelings. We spent the nite apart last nite. I snapped I starting punching every peice of glass in my kitchen. I raged out. Because of that I have a fractured hand. I called my mother to talk about it and she called my boyfriend to make sure I was okay. He has never seen me like that. Every time we have an argument it turns into a fight that mostly starts from me. I'm not as sensitive as he is.. Does anyone know hoe I can cope w this???

I do see one but the anger doesnot come out that often. When it does, it does... I think it something I can't control. The fact that my mother who lives states away called my boyfriend makes me a little embarressed that he had to see me this way. How do I expain this to him.

chaddo I'm in the same boat. I've snapped on my loved one and it's the worst thing I ever done to her. I don't want to lose her either and right now I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure I get help and make sure it never happens again. We have a child together and i don't want him to grow up in an environment like this. He needs love from his parents not this dark side of anger, i don't want him to think it is alright. I love her so much, she's the world to me and blessed me with a son. I need to gain control.
dbeleven, what you wrote made me think of what is my trigger, and for the first time i think I might know what it is. It was like a light bulb that came on. Thank you!

i feel for you. i was so worried about my angry husband and how miserable his temper made him. i'm sure your wife is too.

but what's worse was never knowing what was going to set him off. i walked on eggshells and was a nervous wreck. i hated being in the car with him when he'd start driving like a maniac.

he worked hard to get to know himself and the signs of his temper. these are some of the things he does now when he feels the anger flaring up:

1- goes for a walk or a run or works in the yard. something very physical.
2- takes a hot shower or bath
3- plays a video game/does something fun for himself
5-deep breathing exercises
6-rubs my feet or brushes my hair (it sounds nutty but acts of kindness when you're in a bad mood can sort of reprogram your response)

also, he gets plenty of sleep and has cut back on the sugar and caffeine. it's harder to control his anger when he's tired and wired.

all the best to you.