Yesterday was a terrible day. I have been dealing with my anger and depression through therapy and ALOT of prayer. Well my mother and my husband basically got into a huge fight yesterday and I was caught in the middle. My mother is one of those people who has to be in control of everyone's lives ( ours and my sisters). If she is not in control then she pretty much verbally and mentally abuses you until you give into what she wants. Well my hubby has been giving into her for three years and it as caused probles in our marriage. So everything came out yesterday. They were in each others face and I had to literally get in the middle. My husband brought up the facts about how my mom use to physically abuse me and had hit me the day before our wedding and told her she better never lay her hands on me again or she would regret it. TO HIM this means calling the cops because my hubby would never hurt another human being himself maybe never another person. TO my MOM who only knows violence she thought he meant he was gonna hurt her. So she was like you think you man enoug to take me on, yada yada.... Anyway then she started attacking his family. Saying all kinds of crap which was wrong because he really only sees them two maybe three times a year so why go there. So I told him to go outside because he was crying. And I was telling her to shut up. Then she went to hit me but shoved me instead. THEN I FLASHED RED!!!! Back to the abuse I endured growing up and on into my twenties until I moved to Texas. She and I used to have these knock down drag out fights literally. I remember brooms being broken over my back, belts, hangers, anything she could find. The last really huge knock down was right before I overdosed and we beat the Hell out of each other there was blood drawn on both sides. That night I took an entire bottle of Norpamin. It was the antidepressive I was on. So back to yesterday. I came so close to going back to that place where I used to hit my mom. And I NEVER want to be back there. EVER!!!!!!!!! And I almost did yesterday. And I cried all night when I came home. I didn't know what to do. I could not call my therapist because he does not work on the weekends. But it hurts to be back there in that place to where I what resort to physical violence. I have not done that in YEARS! Anyway. I just needed to talk so I did.. Thanks for listening (reading).. Me.
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