well, thanks for taking the courage to share your heart with us....prayers for only the best for you...

GET more help, I understand the biker thing, I am one myself, and you will start to hit if you dont get help, My anger ended up slapping my wife, and it has cost my my wonderful family.

Anger will sooner or later take control of you and you will lose control sooner or later if you dont get help.

It took me losing my family to get the help I needed and now I am working on finding a woman to share my life with.

Good luck to you.

I think you're brave to talk this stuff out. I think it's good that you know that you need space when you're angry. It's great that you take a time out and deal with it on your own.

My dad had a bad temper. He could be really fun and loving one minute and really aggressive the next. Even as a child, I understood that he was hurting and I wished for him to be happier. But I always knew he was crazy about my mom and me.

I won't criticize you. It can't be easy to work through these issues in public like you are. One thing I would share with you though is that as a kid, I would have done anything - I mean ANYTHING - to make everything perfect so there wouldn't be anything for dad to get mad about. I wasn't really afraid of him, although sometimes if he'd lose control and choke me, he could get scary. I mostly wanted more time with him when he was happy, so I tried very hard to be perfect. I think it's the only natural response in a child - to want to please her father. As I got older, I would get really angry that he was screaming at me unjustly. I suppressed that anger because it would just make his rage worse. Today I deal with anger management issues of my own because I never really learned how to deal with it when I was younger.

And while that perfectionism has served me well in many areas of my life, I have always been an excellent student and I have been a successful entrepreneur in a field where women seldom succeed, it has made a mess of my relationships. It is hard on my marriage. My need for approval has left me open to predators. I've been afraid to have children of my own. And there's a part of me that never believes I will be good enough. So, some good things and some bad things. The bad probably outweigh the good. On the other hand, there really are people whose fathers were a lot worse. No parent is ever perfect. You do the best you can, no?

So, you know, don't leave. Please don't leave your kids because God knows there are enough fatherless children in the world and it sounds like you can trust your wife to help you protect your kids from the worst of it. I never wanted my dad to leave us. I just wanted to spend more time with the calm version of him. I wanted him to be someone I could bring problems to, someone who could give me advice and teach me how to be a good person. I think if you're aware of the impact your temper can have on your kids, you can better protect them from it.

I didn't notice how old you are, but I know that my dad got calmer as he got older. I left home at 18, so I didn't get to see it happen. But by the time we re-established our relationship a few years ago, he'd mellowed. He says now that he can't remember what was so important that he used to get so mad about. I don't know if they told you that in your anger management classes, but getting older does help some people. And I don't think you are a monster. I never thought my dad was a monster. And I guarantee you that most of the time your boys think you're a superhero.

I will speak frankly from one angry guy to another. I can see the guilt in your message and you should feel guilty. The mistakes you make compound your anger and cause it to be worse next time and impact you even greater in your mind. Go get help professionally or goto a 12 step program usually offered thru some churches or support groups. The anger management junk did not help me. I was looking for a magic pill or bullet that stopped it abruptly. No such thing. Do yourself a favor and take responsability for your mistakes and get the help you need to stop now. I was too stubborn and did not do it and I have been misreable most of my life. Your wife must be strong. Yes, she might put you in your place at times but I promise you she will be tired of doing that. You must put yourself in check. Dont depend someone else to do it for you. You might lash out at me for saying these things but so be it. I can say these things to you because I too suffer from the same situation and honestly hate to see anyone else feeling the same. You have taken the biggest step already by seaching for and coming to this site. You are looking for an assist. It takes strength to do that so I commend you . You can do it for your kids if you want, but do it for yourself first. Good luck to you. T

i completely understand where you are coming from. As a father of 4 and my own demon inside it hurts to see them run from me or shutter from my hands. to look at them and they don't even know who I am. I am still trying to find my start of the end so to say but with my wife and kids and this place I know I have found at least some resolution.