I am sorry to hear this but I am the same way, and unfortunately I have become passive aggressive in many situations because of this :(

wow, it's no wonder you've resorted to yelling to communicate, you've been brought up to believe it's the only way you'll get listened to. i feel for you, it must be sooo frustrating for you. they say (who 'they' are in this case i'm not sure) a common cause of anger problems in a person is when they are simply aching to be heard. and it makes sense. i'm no expert at all but i reckon some assertiveness training would do you some good. cos that's about beaing heard, without being agressive. good luck, x

I think someone hears me, then they do something totally condradictory to what i have been talking about, just showing absolutely no respect for me or what i have said. That is when I lose it. They just act like they hear me to shut me up, then go and do the very thing I asked them not to do. That is when I break stuff.

have you ever tried writing things out? sometimes it's easier to vocalize what you are feeling on paper.

I have this same problem and have been aware of it for number of years now. I had a big realization some time ago that it's not me that people are rejecting, but it's just the way I'm speaking. This helped me to not take it so personally and to start observing what it is about the way I speak that puts people off. What is it about the way I communicate that make people not want to listen? Once I started asking these questions I started to see the various things about my communication style that were bothersome, and I gradually made changes. And over time it has become less and less of a problem for me.

i don't have any advice, blind leading the blind & all, but you're not alone, i know how hard it can be & how frustrating it is not to be heard especially by the ones you love.

I have that feeling also, expecially with my birth family. No matter how many times I say no, they have a way of just ignoring me, expecially my mother. It is like I am invisible. I think being treated this way has given me chronic anger.

Wow, your family sounds EXACTLY like mine. "you're too sensitive!", you're overeacting" were common refrains during my childhood. The worst is when they gang up on you and you are alone against the rest of the family. God, that is a major reason why I no longer live in the city of my birth!

I have residual anger issues as well because of this. I got used to using angry outbursts as a defense mechanism, just to get everyone to leave me the $%^& alone. Maybe this is what is going on with your husband. Does he insist, like your family, that the problem is your being oversensitive? I wish i could propose a solution, but I still struggle with this with my own family, they still insist it is me and not them. Couple's therapy might be useful, the therapist can validate your feelings and maybe then your husband might be convinced to change.

Less is More. Instead of yelling, just speak softer. The only way to be heard is to NOT yell. You don't express your needs by yelling. You express your needs by not yelling and keeping more silent. That'll get their attention to where they will want to hear you. Family is usually the worst people to get support from. There's too much conflict with family for them to even want to give support. That's why it is always best to go outside family to get what you need for yourself. And when they see you are not coming to them for the support, it can help family to get along better.

good advice andre. but I am isolated right now. I don't have anyone in my life except family. I am hoping your words might motivate me to get more involved.

My anger problem comes and goes, but I also have the most difficulty controlling it when I feel like I am not being heard. If I say or ask things in a normal voice and get no response, my first instinct is always to yell. Then when someone tells me I don't have to yell, my response is always well you can't seem to hear me unless I yell.

I know all too well that it doesn't work. Yes, when I yell people hear me, but all they hear is my voice, and they don't want to hear it. They just want me to shut up. I am having an extremely difficult time communicating with my fiance right now because of this. I constatly feel like he doesn't hear me. Mostly because no matter what I say he doesn't respond the way I want him to. For instance, I'll ask him a question and he will just say something completely off the wall like he didn't even hear the question. I know he does it because he doesn't want to answer the question but that just makes me even more angry.

I've tried everything I know to change things. I've tried talking softer, I've tried writing instead of talking, I've spent hours thinking about what I really want to say to try to say things in a way that doesn't make him feel defensive....

It's hard to handle because all you want is for your feelings to be validated or someone to show you they care about what you are saying. My fiance's excuse, when he gives one, is usually the same. He doesn't know what to say to make me feel better, and he doesn't know what to do to make me feel better, so he just doesn't do anything. Sometimes I wish I could just get it through his head that doing or saying nothing just makes me feel like he doesn't hear me at all and doesn't care. No matter how many times I have told him that, he just doesn't seem to get it.

I think right now he feels like all I ever want to talk about is problems, and he just doesn't want to.

I've been trying something new and so far it is helping me to not feel so angry all the time. I am just talking to him about petty things like the weather, TV shows, things we are doing, what he wants for dinner, or silly things like that and just letting the problems go for a little while. I know they aren't going to go away, and my feelings aren't going to change, but it's helping. It's giving me time to just feel like we can talk again without fighting. When I have worked through some of my anger and feel like I can talk to him about the problems again without yelling, I will find time to talk about the problems again at a time when we are both relaxed and have no distractions.

I grew up and went through highschool being painfully shy so I somewhat understand what you mean. My brother who seems like the star of the family sometimes...gets SO much more attention with other family members and it pisses me off. I hate most of all being interrupted when Im talking like what I have to say doesnt mean anything at all. Please believe your not alone in feeling that way. I agree with christina writing does help...

I grew up with two brothers and while my brothers generally listen to me their friends were another story I found myself constantly repeating myself or speaking loudly it is frustrating because although I was a quiet kid I was bright and I was used to people taking me seriously your siblings behavior shows a lack of respect on their part it is through no fault of yours.

I am really glad you shared this.

I read your post and I hear you!

I validate your feelings!

when you are not heard or ignored, it is easy to blow up after a while!

i know!

Keep talking to us and maybe that will help dispel some of it.

Billi