The other night i went out with some friends, my boyfriend stayed home. I was fine until i got home and i just lost it on him. He has been battling his addiction for a while and its been taking its toll on me in so many ways. I freaked. I kicked him in the head punched him in the face and a few other things im not so proud of. I told him he couldnt hurt me any more and if he did hed be sorry, then i got so angry at myself i cut up my arm. Know i have this guilt that wont go away. I feel like when we fight i want to punch him in the head. I think ive learned from everything in my life to be defensive and defend myself. I didnt think it would get this bad but he brings out the worst in me. Our good times are amazing but it scares me when we fight cause i just get so angry, alot of the time i shoot my mouth off and say horrible things and I have no control over my anger. Its tiring... I dont know how to shut it off. Journaling only helps for a few minutes then i get angry again. I just want him to fix his stupid addiction and i get pissed cause he decided to develop it after having daughter together. I know i cant fix him but how do i control the anger. The last time really scared the shit out of me....
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