I'm not so sure if I am in the right place? I usually will not blow my lid unless I'm provoked in some form or fashion. It has to be something that really strikes me down inside too. Such as two examples. About a year ago I found out that hubby was text messaging two 18 year old girls from his job. We had words with each other and so on. I took his phone with me to bed. He came inside the bedroom and asked for it back. I refused. This went on for quite some time and eventually he grabbed the cell phone away from me. I in return still had grasp and wouldn't let go therefore the phone broke in half. According to me my hubby punched me in the face and when he did I went after him like flies on poo! According to him he said I attempted to kick him in the balls. Anyways cops were called and we both ended up going to jail for simple battery since there was evidence on both parties that an altercation happened. Okay made a mistake had to pay lots of money for it but still did I learn anything? Sunday my hubby gets up and I ask him nicely if he is going to church and he says yes. He also mentioned the fact he was going to wash his car afterwards. (We just purchased a house and closed on it Friday) I responded back with "Well, I don't know when your going to find time for that" he then made a smart elic remark to me and I just left for church and he never showed up. He wasn't home when I got back home and he called to say he went to his parents house to wash his car. I was livid...make long story short. He comes home humming and carrying on like no arguement never occurred (which is typical of him and pisses me off) and I went upstairs and said to him So this is how you deal with things...by just ignorning your problems huh? He didn't say anything for a minute or two and then said what do you mean? Well the arguement increased from there and I slapped his sunglasses off of his head. They fell to the floor and I picked them up and broke them in half (these are 150 dollar pair of sunglasses) then he continued to have cocky attitude as usual and I told him he was selfish has always been and will always be. Even if I was just a tid bit selfish on Sunday it at the very least was for the family (Moving our crap into the new home!!! hello??) Anyways it continues on and I'm crying at this point and then we get started on the car. About how he puts the car before God, me, and his girls, etc. etc. He says something which I cannot even remember and it set me up boy! I went outside and poured water into the ground and made me some good ole Georgia red clay and smeared it all over his clean window and door of his baby car. I was pissed. My question is when I feel my head get all hot and my face all hot and my heart starts to beat really really fast how can I control myself? I can do it with anyone else but with him there is just something about him that sets me off and there is no going back. Don't get the wrong impression here though he has anger issues too? Which in a sense makes it a double dose of bad. However, he controls his a little better unless I really really provoke him. I don't want to smear mud on his car nor do I want to break his sunglasses nor do I want to beat the living daylights out of him when I get angry. I have even tried to walk away and then he says something as I walk away that pisses me off and I'll say what did you say? I mean I know I should just continue to walk away but I still would have felt the need to destroy something of his. But why? I just don't understand why. I'm trying to live the christian life but after what happened on Sunday EVEN after I attended church I feel I am not worthy enough to go or that I'm too embarrased to go? How can I live a christian life when my temper always gets the better of me when it comes to arguing with him??? I'm sick and tired of just biting my tongue or keeping my mouth shut just so I don't piss off "HIS" little world. He said that he felt like I was trying to dictate his time and I NEVER EVER said anything about having his day planned out for him. I mean there is more in between the lines but that is all I have time to write right now. I know I was in the wrong but how do I get past the temper when he t's me off soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad!!!
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