Lately i have been very bad about my anger. i used to have excessively bad anger issues and would hurt the ones i love. but i had gotten control of my anger for a little while but lately my life has spiralled out of control. i cant seem to feel any other emotion other than anger and when i do its typically sadness that is followed by a burning anger. i dont want to hurt anyone but when i get angry i have these thoughts that i dont want to have at all. any advise on this would be much apprectiated, regardless of weather it works or not. just some back ground information to know my situation, i have paranoid schizophrenia, it affects me everyday weather something happens or not. i hate being alone and hate large crowds but i am out of school and dont live in a big city/town. everywhere i go i dont know many people and the people i do know ive been getting more and more angry at. i was angry at one of my best friends, of a 5 year friendship, just because he didnt try at something he used to be passionate about. so intead of reationalizing i got pissed at him and didnt talk to him for 2 months and completely ignored him the whole time. i felt like such shit after words but all that did was make me deppressed and feed into my anger. i do self harm and i do it everytime i get angery at someone i love. everytime i do this all i can think is "i deserve this for being selfish, i deserve to be put through this pain. if i dont hurt myself i will hurt someone else." i know that is no way to think about this situation but i cant help but think like this. ive had every knife ive had taken from me but i still find a way to harm myself from scratching my self till i bleed or biting myself and leaving marks all over. please someone help me. thank you.
I understand talking about your problems is supposed to help you but in a way it just makes things worse for me. I hate opening up to people about my depression or mental problems in general because it becomes too much for people to handle and they leave. At the same time if people feel I'm hiding something from them or I don't want to open up to them they just distance themselves and basically...
Things have been going really well for me lately with my new house and job but....for some reason my depression is still constantly dragging me down.. I should be insanely happy but I'm just not..