It is hard, but don't feel guilty. They told us when Dad was at the nursing home, to give what we could. When Dad reached the state where h did not know anything around him, we quit going as much, because it did seem so pointless. My sister had a harder time going than I did, from day one. But each person gives what they can. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

God, yes. This disease is worse on the people who care, than for the people who have it. Don't feel guilty. He doesn't know you're not there, and his soul understands that you are with the person that he was. Would he want you to see him this way? I'm sure he wouldn't. You aren't denying him, you are protecting yourself!

My Mom thinks I am her cousin. She is very happy and content, but I couldn't imagine not talking to her and seeing her everyday. Even if she doesn't know who I am, I know who she is. I don't want to be left alone and forgotten so I won't do that to her either. No matter where she is at, I will be there as long as I physically can be. What you need to consider is what you will regret when he isn't there to see anymore - sorry about the dose of reality, but I had to write it. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you struggle through this...

I understand. My dad is in his last stages. Hasn't walked for a year now and is barely swallowing anything. Soon, he will not be able to swallow at all, along with being in some world of his own.
I don't go see him very much either, especially since the swallowing bit started.
It's just too hard. Mom goes 2-3 times a week. My sister admitted last night that she doesn't go much now either.
I also feel kinda guilty, but it is just too hard, because he will only get morphine because of his living will when he stops swallowing and I still know there is a tiny bit of him inside that shows off and on. But with talking to a nurse today, she finally explained it all to me, that tubal feeding would make him miserable and we talked alot.
We are making ourselves feel guilty and there is absolutely no reason to be.
You might try talking with a nurse where he is, it sure helped me.
It still sucks and bothers me, but I understand more of where he is at and pain he would be going through.
I also have a 24 yr old daugher who is married and has endometriosis, hiatal hernia, anxiety, low self-esteem and chats with me everyday complaining not only of feeling sick but of everything else. She doesn't wanna hear about anyone else's problems. Upsetting
My sister did take dad places when he was getting bad at home and now she takes mom out sometimes for a few hours gambling.
I had moved in 4-5 years ago to help mom with dad, that was very hard. Then he went into home 2 years ago, mom got really bad with staph in her feet and legs in Dec. She hasn't been quite the same since and have to kinda watch her now.
Have no life of my own to speak of.
Anyways, what LynneC and minutebyminute says is good.
Take care.

I cant remember my own name and i go by
THE OLD MAID