I think you would very likely run her off if you tried to take this friendship further.

It appears that she has high regard for you and your wife as dear friends or possibly a parental figure.

I assure you she is NOT a second wife. She is a paid helper who has become a valued friend.

It is OK to fantasize.. just don't act upon your fantasy.

We are in a really difficult situation... married but with no spouse
available for a physical relationship. We share your frustrations...
believe me - we do.

Good luck to you Bally... you are a good man.

Judy

Judy, you offer such sage advice that I greatly value. You have given me the out that I needed, "Fantasize but no farther."
Thanks so much for your reply.
Bally

I would imagine that is a very difficult situation. I'm not clear about whether you would want to further the relationship if she was interested? Is she married or with someone? If you are interested in more and think she might be you might make some very vague joke about your relationship and see if she picks up on it.

Wow, Bally, my biggest problem at the present. I wish I could offer you some good advise. Like Judy, though, I think you would run her off. What a mess we are all in. Mine is not so much about sex, however, mine is to love and be loved again. I want companionship.

My thoughts:

Since this helper is there for 7 hours a day during the week, could you establish a physical relationship WITH SOMEONE ELSE, and use the time she is there to be with this other person.

I think all of us have suffered from this particular aspect of this dreaded illness and it is completely understandable.

I'm pretty sure early on I read some sort of Alzheimer's "literature" which talked about this and suggested that some individuals will need to establish a physical relationship outside the marriage.

I think fantasizing about this woman who is not only there but has pleasant attributes like conversation and cooking, both of which you enjoy is fine and the best answer, but I agree it would run her off if you took it further than the pleasant professional relationship you now have.

But I do think that if you have any opportunity to cultivate a physical relationship with someone else, in an available position, that would be perhaps a way to deal with this.

Good luck.

You really are a wonderful husband and a great guy, I am SURE there would be someone out there who would be glad to pursue things with you.....Good luck...........

Bally, get a copy of the book "Jan's Story". It might be interesting for you to see how Jan's husband handled the very situation you are describing to us..

I'm so sorry we are all in this terrible situation. As for your problem, I agree that you may fantasize, but please don't take it any further. This woman obviously feels very comfortable with you and your wife and it is wonderful that you get along so great, but, I'm afraid she would become very uncomfortable around you if she knew what you were thinking and then you would lose a very good employee.

I think that is one of the hardest things about this, we are trapped in loveless marriages. I feel so lonely and so long to be held and hugged sometimes. Find another companion to show your affections too and like inmemory says, use the time your helper is there to be with someone else. You are a great guy to be caring for your wife like you do.....good luck.

All od you give such good advice. I will keep the relationship on a friendly but professional basis.
Thanks to each of you for your input.
Bally

Bally, I know how difficult it must be for you. I find myself alone most of the time, even dough I am married. My husband's time is spent mostly with work and after work coaching. I have learned to spend my time doing service to others when I can. I have hobbies and most of all I have God in my life that helps me be grounded. I know that one day I will be judged for my actions,that keeps me in the straight path.

God Bless my friend, you are a wonderful husband be patient, this will not last forever.