Moving Dad into a nursing home was hard on me, too. You give up your life to their needs, and, when the situation changes, it is a difficult transition for both of you, since AD patients do not deal well with change. But I made the transition, and you will, too. You can ease it by going to the assisted living facility to check on her and spend time with her. Your duties will be different, but the staff will be grateful for your presence,a nd it will help her make the transisiton, too.
Dad got impossible to deal with at home, which was why we chose to move him. He went into an Alzheimers unit, which was very good for him. It would have been impossible to do the things that they did for him.
This disease is heartbreaking, and difficult for everyone. Just remember that you have doen your best in a difficult situation. You have my sympathy and admiration.

Lynne, yes my Mom went into the Alzheimers unit in the assisted living facility also. I need to visit more. It seems as if I'm holding back from going like I need to. I don't know what is keeping me from going.

When we put Dad in, they told us to do as much as we were comfortable with. Maybe, since you know she is on good hands, you are giving yourself a break before you have to face the fact that things have changed, and you are no longer the only one responsible. Be gentle with yourself.

My mom had a stroke about 7 years ago which left her with very few after-effects and she was able to live by herself. Her memory was affected by the stroke and as it got worse I had to take her car away and began doing more for her.

I had to move her into my house about a year ago when it became obvious she could no longer take care of herself -- she wasn't eating regularly even though she had food, she kept forgetting how to use the microwave, and her personal hygiene habits were becoming hit or miss.

Mom really hated losing her independence but eventually resigned herself to living here. It's been an adjustment for me, too.

About 3 months ago she fell and broke her hip. She spent 3 weeks in the hospital and in-patient rehab. The docs advised sending her to a nursing home but I refused, and still have her with me. Her hospital stay brought on a fairly major decline both physically and mentally. She can no longer get around by herself but she keeps forgetting that and I have to watch her very carefully so she doesn't fall again.

It is very painful to see her like this, and especially difficult when she has those moments of lucidity and realizes she can't remember anything. And so far, she has not exhibited any of the problem behavior common to AD, and for that I am very grateful.

I plan to keep her home until the end with the help of hospice when the time comes.

kaypee...I didn't mean to wait so long to answer your post. Forgive me please! You are one very special daughter to take such good care of your Mom. I think we all hope there is a person like yourself for us when our time comes. You've had a long road with your Mom. I agree that if you can keep your Mom at home with you, that is the very best thing to do for her. In our case, we don't have enough room here and she was not safe, plus I have a physical problem that limits me from caring for her the way I use to.

Be good to yourself along the way too! Bless you ...

It is my husband who has alzheimers, he is in second stage from what his doctor has said and we are hoping the medications will help him continue to enjoy his life at home for at least a couple more years.
At this point I am dealing with him pretty much on my own but I will be joining a support group this month and we are looking into getting some kind of respit care so I don't have to do it all 24/7.
Right now he just needs lots of one on one attention, he behaves pretty much like a hyper eight year old most of the time although he does have periods when he seems like his old self. It is hard to do things because he wants me right there to look at whatever has caught his eye or mind at the moment. It is such a relief when we have company or go to the mental health annex so he has other people to talk to and I can just be quiet for a few minutes.

I care for my mother, and receive very little support from my two sisters, they have abandoned me, and she is paranoid, she twists everything yet can still manage to do much on her own, i see she is starting to have difficulties, flooding the bathroom routinely, and so many other things, i feel so alone in all this, so wounded by my own family who is reacting this way, please advise

Yes i care for my mom, she is physically well, but in early stages,and she drank a great deal during her early adult years which apparently impacts the type of dementia they experience, it is chaotic to say the least and it breaks my heart to watch this decline, finding all of you and reading your comments helps tremendously on this road. i dont know how long i can do this, as she demands my complete attention while i am home, and i never know what to expect,,,i do the best i can

I care for my husband in our home. He is an advanced AD patient. He is also a parapalegic stroke patient. So, in some ways it is a little easier for me to take care of him. He cannot wander off and pretty much stays indoors unless I take him outside. I do have problems with confusion, occasional hallucinations,and anger issues. I also have to bathe,dress, and get up in and out of bed and his chair. I have had medical personnel suggest that I "investigate" a nursing home several times, but I don't feel either of us is ready for that as yet.

For the longest time we didn't know exactly what was wrong with Mom. We still aren't guaranteed. But we DID know two things for certain. She couldn't be alone and she needed to be out of her big house. Both my sister and I were accepting that we might need to become full time caregivers but at time same time she convinced me that having more people around her might be a better solution.

Mom certainly did not want to leave her house. We would at times share with her the benefits of senior housing and she wanted nothing to do with it.

There is something to be said for God's timing. It seemed like out of nowhere I sensed the urgency and the time was NOW. Within days I set a plan in motion, found senior housing that offered assisted living and basically said, Mom, you are going here for at least 3 months time while your house is cleaned and made evironmentally safe. There was no argument. I took her on an introduction tour on a Wednesday and we moved her in on Saturday. She told others (not me) how beautiful she thought the place was, how nice the staff was. That was April 28.

She immediately was far more comfortable there than in her home or mine. SHE even knows that. The discussion of Mother's Day (on this site) made a new reality set in. We are better off celebrating in her new setting than in our homes. She was so stressed and confused after spending Mothers Day (with a sleep over) with her family at my house, that when we returned her to her apartment on Monday morning she had no idea where her bedroom or refrigerator was.

Yes, I am hard on myself thinking I am a horrible or unloving person who cannot bring her own mom into her own home and take care of her. I do believe I really did want to give it a try. And my hubby was willing to go along with it. But there is something to be said about the wisdom of an older sister. And the caring love and abilities of others, like the assistance staff at the apartment. Now, WE don't have to be "the boss". We don't have to argue for what we think is right. Well, not always, we are still learning. Instead, we can devote our visits with Mom to more love and laughter.

No, Mom doesn't really socialize yet. She probably never will. But she seems to recognize the safe environment and we are so thankful she is comfortable there.

My father recently passed, at age 83 y/o, and he was able to stay at home the entire time. My mine is only in here 60's and was able to devote her life to helping him. I helped out as often as I could, due to a recent divorce I was around a lot more to help out.

IMO, my father lasted a lot longer and didn't deteriorate as quickly as some due to this type of care. Six years ago my folks moved from their home of 30 years to an apartment, two years later they moved to a smaller house. All I can say is that after each move my father became noticeably worse. Routine along with consistancy seems to really help.

My father contractice aspiration pneumonia. It was related to his dementia. His brain was no longer able to handle the six functions that need to work at once to swallow. He would take anything from saliva, food and drink into his lungs. He was taken ill quickly and passed shortly there after. Just prior to this my mother was about to put him in a home becuse the demands were just too much for her, even with my assistance.

Taking care of someone, especially someone with advanced Alzheimer's, is no easy task. I believe it is great for the person with Alzheimer's but it takes a huge toll on the caregiver. I would advise anyone to consider this before keeping a loved one inflicted with the disease at home.

Lastly, our local Alzheimer's Association was able to provide us, for a couple of years via grant money, with a trained aide that would come out once or twice a week and allow my mother to run errands. The AA is really a great organization. I'd encourage everyone who is dealing with Alzheimer issues to contact them. All kind of support is available.

i work in an assisted living facility and i agree it seems that once these residents are put in the facilities they go down hill. I had one lady that just passed away that i got so attached to so quickly she had not been there but a month and the good lord said it was time. I just know that as long as i am in these facilities i am going to love all over them lol that is if they will let me.. i do have one resident she has dimentia as well as chronic pain so she gets combative when i first started this job she scared me to death lol she was a smoker and she would light up in the facility and when you tried to tell her that she had to go outside to smoke and try to get the cigarette and escort her outside she would try to burn you .. but i got put in a position where i had no help from the other employees with her and i got to spend lots of time with her due to it taking me so long to finally convice her that i loved her and was just there to help her that her and i are very close now... she has gone down hill a little more now she cant walk or stand very well she is basically bedridden but when i come in to work at night i go and make sure she is all tucked in and i kiss her and tell her i love you momma and you have a good nights sleep and she says " i love you too" and then she closes her eyes and goes to sleep . The other employees still have lots of problems with her but i just love them .. love conquers a lot. If there were more employees there that worked there because they love the residents instead of loving the money maybe just maybe these residents that come in to the facility will not deteriorate so fast.. Welll just thought i would add my two cents.. God bless you all hugs carrie

Carrie, you are so right about giving more love to those in facilities bedridden. You are one bright light in their life. When they get to heaven, they will remember all you did for them. I pray for someone like you to care for Mom where she is. Now that she is has fallen and broken her pelvic bone, her shoulder shattered and her elbow shattered and surgery done with wires, etc., it may be a long time before she is up to walking. She is sitting up in a chair for a few hours so that is good so far. She never screams with the pain and she is on vicadin.

May we all pray for our nursing facilities and the staff that work so hard for the people we love.

We have had my MIL living with us since September 2002. We are approaching six years of her shananigans.

My life is not a life. My whole day, my whole night, my whole exsistence is about my MIL and her care, her dignity, her respect, her needs, her happinesses, her eating, her pooping and peeing, her embarrassments, her losses, her.. her......her.

We are the IT couple. My husband is her only living relative on the planet. And, he works daily to keep the money flowing in to keep this boat afloat. I am the one who has to buck-up and shut-up about her care.. and just get it done.

I started going to a therapist about 6 months ago to get out of this co-dependent lifestyle. He is helping me to drop a few rocks out of the pile I manage.

I am learning it is not my plight in life to make her happy and be all she can be.

It is my plight in life to do that for myself.

However, my days start with her, end with her, and are all about her. It is a never ending pool of waves that keep getting bigger and bigger as her needs increase.

She is a hateful, spiteful, and mean woman who enjoys sticking her chin out, her head back and seethingly stating her ideas to me. Generally.. I can kick back and ignore her.. however sometimes, it hits my heart and/or my menopause hormones just aren't playing nice and I feel hateful right back at her.

So far, I only walk away. I am a type of Irish person who'll cuss and work out the fists on the jaws in my mind, not in life. So, she is safe.

And, with the good care I give her and medical interventions, she should go for another 15 or so years. Making me in my late 70's to early 80's before she passes.

I swear, when she passes, there will be grief, and enormous relief..

But, I will be like you.

I will NOT know how to live by myself.

This is more than habit.

It is my lifestyle.

I never wanted it, and most days wish I could be free to just go pee alone or shop alone or have a friend for me and not a group including my MIL..

But, I will be lost without her.

I will have spent more time caring for her than I did my five children.

I will have spent more money on her annually than it cost to put my children through college.

She is consuming. I am consumed.

I will pray your life will find a way to revive your spirit and find happiness with new adventures. And, I will add my name to the list when I ask God for you.

I will need the same help someday.. if I don't die first.

Sunshine, I don't know what state you live in but there HAS TO BE some kind of help available to you, some kind of respite care or adult baby sitting that you can get her into so you can have some down time for yourself.
Being the one and only nearly 24/7 can kill you, not to mention making your life hell in the process.
Have you contacted the Alzheimers ass. in your area to find out what services and help you may be elligble for? If not please do as soon as you can. It is heart breaking to think of you with so much pain and anger and no one really to help.