
Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...

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Hello everyone. My name is Jen and I live in Houston, Texas. I just moved back home from Maryland because my Grandmother has Alzheimer's and I figured my mother, as the primary caregiver, would need help soon.
As for Gran herself, she was diagnosed with AD about four years ago. At this point I'd guess she was stage 3, though i'm not positive about that. She remembers people close to her but has extreme difficulty communicating... can't think of words, etc. She can no longer cook, sew, paint or do any of the things she used to enjoy because her mind just doesn't remember how. She does things like put styrofoam containers in the microwave, cannot recall simple things like how to turn the television on.
Anyway... I'm sure you folks here understand where I'm coming from. There is no doubt that she has it and no doubt that she will get worse. Physically she is doing pretty well... it's the mental part that isn't working anymore.
I am an only-child and my uncle had no children so I am also the only grandchild... I am very close to my grandmother. One of the reasons I moved back home was not only to help Mom but to spend time with Gran before the disease takes her.
I never dreamed of how hard this would be. While Gran has her "good days", she mostly has bad days now. She has become someone I am completely unfamiliar with. While she cannot remember things, she still THINKS she can remember things. Example: When she doesn't know where a location is or where something is in the grocery store, she says "They moved the road" or "They changed everything up in this grocery store." She absolutely refuses to listen to you about the most simplest things.
I guess what I'm looking for here is not only support, but any suggestions on how to handle this. I want to get Gran out of the house... take her places... so that her mind can be somewhat stimulated and she's not just sitting in the house waiting to die. Yet when we go somewhere sometimes it's a pure nightmare. She gets combative if she tells you that you need to turn right here, but you KNOW that you need to turn left. Or she'll produce her social security card for ID instead of her driver's license (well, her state ID, she doesn't drive anymore) and insist to the clerk that it's what they've always taken. She won't listen when you try to explain things to her and if you get insistant, she gets mean, sometimes even has what we've begun referring to as a "fit". She'll cuss, then cry and say things like "I wish I were dead."
It's a really really hard situation for anyone who tries to take her anywhere. Yet we don't want to sequester her in her home. She constantly complains about not getting to go anywhere but she won't get out of bed early enough to go places. She doesn't seem to "wake up" and get moving until late in the afternoon. She also has begun to make things up in her head. If she gets anxious or stressed during an outing when you are trying to help her or explain something to her, she'll sometimes get very upset and accuse you of yelling at her or even pushing her. We've NEVER done this and we never will so as you can imagine, it's extremely upsetting.
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to give a clear background.
Any advice or suggestions would be very helpful. I don't know what to do. Should I treat her as a child? Scold her when she acts badly? She acts like a child most of the time now yet she seems "together enough" to be pissed off when we treat her like one. It's not that we want to treat her like one, it's simply that we don't know how else to respond to her when she acts like this.
Please help.
As for Gran herself, she was diagnosed with AD about four years ago. At this point I'd guess she was stage 3, though i'm not positive about that. She remembers people close to her but has extreme difficulty communicating... can't think of words, etc. She can no longer cook, sew, paint or do any of the things she used to enjoy because her mind just doesn't remember how. She does things like put styrofoam containers in the microwave, cannot recall simple things like how to turn the television on.
Anyway... I'm sure you folks here understand where I'm coming from. There is no doubt that she has it and no doubt that she will get worse. Physically she is doing pretty well... it's the mental part that isn't working anymore.
I am an only-child and my uncle had no children so I am also the only grandchild... I am very close to my grandmother. One of the reasons I moved back home was not only to help Mom but to spend time with Gran before the disease takes her.
I never dreamed of how hard this would be. While Gran has her "good days", she mostly has bad days now. She has become someone I am completely unfamiliar with. While she cannot remember things, she still THINKS she can remember things. Example: When she doesn't know where a location is or where something is in the grocery store, she says "They moved the road" or "They changed everything up in this grocery store." She absolutely refuses to listen to you about the most simplest things.
I guess what I'm looking for here is not only support, but any suggestions on how to handle this. I want to get Gran out of the house... take her places... so that her mind can be somewhat stimulated and she's not just sitting in the house waiting to die. Yet when we go somewhere sometimes it's a pure nightmare. She gets combative if she tells you that you need to turn right here, but you KNOW that you need to turn left. Or she'll produce her social security card for ID instead of her driver's license (well, her state ID, she doesn't drive anymore) and insist to the clerk that it's what they've always taken. She won't listen when you try to explain things to her and if you get insistant, she gets mean, sometimes even has what we've begun referring to as a "fit". She'll cuss, then cry and say things like "I wish I were dead."
It's a really really hard situation for anyone who tries to take her anywhere. Yet we don't want to sequester her in her home. She constantly complains about not getting to go anywhere but she won't get out of bed early enough to go places. She doesn't seem to "wake up" and get moving until late in the afternoon. She also has begun to make things up in her head. If she gets anxious or stressed during an outing when you are trying to help her or explain something to her, she'll sometimes get very upset and accuse you of yelling at her or even pushing her. We've NEVER done this and we never will so as you can imagine, it's extremely upsetting.
Sorry this is so long but I wanted to give a clear background.
Any advice or suggestions would be very helpful. I don't know what to do. Should I treat her as a child? Scold her when she acts badly? She acts like a child most of the time now yet she seems "together enough" to be pissed off when we treat her like one. It's not that we want to treat her like one, it's simply that we don't know how else to respond to her when she acts like this.
Please help.
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The website is very useful. I'm going to print that out and read it everyday. What a very sad and frustrating disease. :-(
You're wonderful to do what you're doing. Keep in touch. This is a wonderful place for support and advice!
Not only does my mother have Alzh, but I have also dealt with it off and on during my career (I'm a speech therapist).
Regarding scolding, talking to her like a child, etc. Here's a good rule of thumb: "Put yourself in her world, dont' expect her to live in yours." You will be much less frustrated if you can remember that. So the next time she says "They moved the road" ...a good response would be (in a normal tone)"Yeah Gran, I wonder why they did that?" If she tells you where to turn, divert her attention. If at all possible, have a third person in the car to be the one to keep her busy while you drive.
You can always make responses like "I'm sorry you think I'm yelling, I'll try to do better." Also...the outings may be the problem themselves. Sometimes as the disease progresses, folks with Alzh get very upset when out of their most familiar surroundings (i.e. home). Therefore, they act out in odd ways because the communication skills needed to say "I'm not comfortable and I want to go home" are gone. She doesn't need to be taken out of the house to have her mind stimulated. Focus on her strengths, not her weaknesses. So she can't sew...okay, have her thread some Cheerios on a string/shoelace/whatever and hang it outside so she can watch the birds eat it. My mother used to play cards avidly. Now we play the same two hands over and over again. I help her if she lets me, answer questions if she asks, and write down the score as if it's a 'real' game. It doesn't really matter. It's all about her being able to maintain her dignity at this point.
Jigsaw puzzles are good too...like the 20-50 piece ones. Have her fold a load of towels and 30 minutes later give her the same basket to fold (she won't remember). This helps her feel useful, keeps her occupied for a few minutes so the caregiver can get a cup of coffee or whatever, helps maintain Gran's motor skills, and her sequencing skills (there's a long sequence to folding a towel if you think about it).
Hope this helped. Write anytime.
The verbal attacks are not TO you or AT you...it's the disease, not your Gran talking.
RoyS, could you tell me what SCAN is?
Thanks again everyone. :-)