Really don't know where to start argh!!!!!! My head is so fucked up I seem to not be able to cope with everything life is throwing at me at the moment. 3 weeks til this dreaded party and it still just doesn't feel right to be celebrating what the hell is with that seriously it's sooooo stupid. I lost a very close friend of the family nearly 2 yrs ago, and today would've been her 70th birthday, I miss her to friggin much and feel that she was taken from us way too soon, she should be here with me celebrating my 21st in 3 weeks but she's not and it's not fair, her son is coming to my party and seeing me though, and don't get me wrong I love the fact that he is coming honestly when I first found out he was actually going to be here I literally bawled my eyes out cause he's been there for me all my life as he was one of the first people to meet me when I was born and has been there for me through thick and thin but there are 3 other people in my life that should be here as well, but they won't be, I'm still really hurt and angry with my arsehole of a father who cant be bothered to get off his arse and save up some money to come over from Perth for it which has hurt me quite a lot considering him and a lot of other people that aren' coming have known about me turning 21 for ages considering they're my immediate family. I feel so torn, lost and alone at this time and dont know what to do or how I really should feel. I apologise for my rant but it's tearing me up inside and I didnt know who else to turn to so I posted here. Thanks all and hope I haven't made anyone totally bored out of their brain reading this rant.
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