I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic as I don't drink every day and have never drunk in morning etc, however, when i do drink it is always to excess and I end up blacking out and not remembering anything the next day. Pretty much all of my regrets in life are alcohol related yet I still don't learn from my mistakes and continue on my self destruct mission. I suffer from BPD which doesn't help but I just feel like I am past caring. I phoned AA, again, today and will attempt to make it to a meeting although I am not very optimistic as to whether it will be of any benefit to me as I have seen drink counsellors in past and just lied to them and told them what they wanted to hear. I feel I am beyond help and not sure if I am ready to accept it anyway. The problem is I like drinking because it gives me the confidence I don't have when I am sober but I never know when to draw the line. I don't have that cut off switch. I'm probably making no sense whatsoever!
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