i dont know if you remember me but i was on here a while ago,yesterday i came out of jail once again,and i promised myself i wouldnt drink , i had no intentio i really honestly didnt, but i walked in a off licence and the alcohol was just there maybe i sould of walked out but i picked up a bottle andafter i couldnt stop, even when i was sick i still carried on drinking, and it did get worse instead of all those happy thoughts wen drinknig,all i felt was lonieness and fear, fear that i finally have to accept that i cant beat alchol,i wnet to a meeting last night hoping the craving for a drink would go, but another alcoholic who lapsed asked me to go 4 a drink ,and that was it we stole all night from liqur shopd and i got caught, i was so close of being arrested,i guess the reminder of going back to jail just disappearedi should of never drunk with him , why did i go with him, why didnt i just stay in the meetin? its crazy, its always that first drink after that i lost all control, i guess i so badly wanted to believe it would b different, i tried sipping, taking spaces between but to no avail i was constantly worried where my next drink would come from. i was only out for a hour and those promises i made to my mum, i know its a lapse and i should stop self pityin, but it shos me that each time i drinki it gets worser, im too ashamed to go back to meetings afterarriving drunk , its embarrasing, im still havin a problem with accepting that deep down i may be a alcoholici dont know if i am but all i know is that i just cant stop after that 1 drink, before xmas i was in a alcohol pyhsosis, i was so close to getting sectioned, i just dont want that too happen, but my desire to drink is becoming regluar even when deep down i have had enough, im sick and tired of feelin sick n tired.
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