I have been in AA for 10 days now and i have not called anyone from AA. Although I have about 10 numbers now. They keep saying in the meetings to call but it's like I almost forget that it is an option. If i do think about it I would feel like I am bothering them too. I feel like i am bothering people even if I speak in AA, which i've only done twice because we were going in a circle. For me I guess it's the way I devalue myself and think I am not worth it. When I was drinking I was never afraid to call anyone. Drunk dialing was one of my favorite things to do. Why don't I have the same courage when i am sober and really need the support. Asking for help does not come natural to us stubborn drunks I guess. But maybe if we practice we will get better at it. Maybe stepping outside our comfort zone and making ourselves do it will get our mind off of our ex's and whatever else we don't need to be bothering with. Also, I have heard people, long timers, in meetings say that if someone calls them that it also helps them stay sober. I know how you feel. Let's make a deal, let's both call someone today, even if we need it on not, just to get in the habit. Maybe just to see how the person on the other end it doing. We really are all in this together.

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I'm just over 2 weeks in AA and I also had a list of numbers of people I could call plus last week I got a sponser whom I really value and I've been struggling with some issues that are pressing right now. I didn't want to "bother" my sponser with things like my personal problems which seemed to me, if I stay sober, and work my HP,all of these problems would sort themselves out. But with my "stuff" I sort of needed some guidance and advice now. After our meeting last night, my sponser pulled me aside and we started to talk. I told him what was going on and how hard it is to deal with certain things right now and the connection between that and sobriety and everything. Boy! Am I glad. It was after midnight that I left that room long after everyone else had gone home. My sponser left me feeling at peace and with some new perspectives on how to deal with what is bothering me. We are also meeting for lunch on Thursday. Sponsers idea. There is true blue concern and love for me. This is something I am not used to, being unconditionally accepted. My sponser also told me that to help someone like me, helps to keep them sober. And I believe it. We cannot do this alone right? Isn't that what we keep hearing? I'm getting used to the idea now as I came away from my first real talk with my sponser feeling like I wasn't an inconvienience in any way. Sorry to ramble on. I just wanted to share. These people are there for us and we are there for them too.

i know a reason why i didn't call people, and can still have a hard time calling ppl in my network every now and again. My diseasse plays on my insecurities. it wants me to believe that i am bothering ppl by calling them. I realized, after i had a bit of time, and had given my number to a few drunks looking for advice and a friend, that i didn't mind when they called me. Hell, even if i am out to dinner with my girl and i get a phone call from another drunk, it just makes my day. By me calling them, it is not a burden. In fact, it is the other way around. By calling other people, you make their day.

I can't call people either, I feel like I'd be interupting them, or wouldn't know what to say to them, yet when I'm drunk, I call all sorts of people at ridiculous times of the morning pooring out my heart and souls, only to forget what the f$% I said the next day.
I would say that calling the AA helpline is a good in between - you know that they are there aiting for callers, so I don't feel like I'm interrupting them, and usually I don't hav toface them aftrewards either!!

cEEs:

Here's some friendly advice who has 8 years of sobriety, and to everyone else, that phone sure is heavy ain't it ;o)

Who are you bothering, hey I get phone calls almost 24 a days, lately at 2-3:00 AM, they don't bother me, that's what I'm here for, remember what we always say "When anyone any where reaches out for help, for that I want the hand of AA to be there"

Also to me it sounds like you haven't really grasped the first step and are trying to push through all 12 at once, hey you have a life time to do this, get Step one first, the only one you have get perfect, remember it is in two parts not just one (notice the hyphen) We admitted we were alcoholics---That our lives had become unmanageable, I'm not going to bore you with all of the AA lingo.

Just tell you a little bit about me and my story, the full version would take days.

I was AA for a year taking up a chair that someone else could be using, after that first year and not doing any foot work, I too wouldn't call anyone, I didn't need to, I knew what to do hey I had a year.

After the I had made one year and they gave me my chip, I decided that now I knew how to drink, so, I went to the bar down the street, 13 years later, I literally came in on my hands and knees to a meeting, stinking from not taking a shower, lost about 100 pounds of weight, food got in the way of drinking.

After the meeting that night two ornery old men, grabbed me took me to one of their houses,let me sleep of my LAST drunk, when I woke up they had some clean clothes and had scrounged some clean clothes, they didn't fit but who cared, I took a shower for the first time in a long time, and they told me I was going to a meeting that night, hung over, wanting a drink, the shakes...you know the story, they threw me in the back of their car and off we went, Today one of those mean old men is my sponsor and the other one was his sponsor, I call him everyday, and since he retired he's 73 I'm 45, we go to lunch on Tuesday's ( the old fart don't even knock ;o) His sponsor passed on a couple of years ago with 28 sobriety, I cried harder that day, than I did when my own mother died, my sponsor and I go to at least two meetings a day, sometimes three, I can't work because of Parkinson's so that gives me a lot of free time for meetings, we just hop in the car and go, I've been to meetings all over almost the whole United States and am getting to be great friends with everyone, some of them all we hear is OH NO here come those two again 'friendly laughter'

So this is this short version, if it wasn't for those two grouchy old men, I would be the undertakers best friend right now.

So let's see you had time to write here (which is great at least you are willing to ask for help) But in those short few minutes, the phone dials just as fast.

YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ANYBODY WITH A PHONE CALL, in fact we love to get a phone call from a newcomer, it shows us that the program really works.

Right now I know you are all thinking, who is this old grouch to tell me what to do. I'm not telling you to do anything, just making a suggestion.

Let me know if I can be on anybodies friends list, and I do answer all. I've buried too many friends, and I hate suits, so please take my advice and call or even go to their house, bet they have a coffee pot, and won't care.

Love all of you, thanks for listening to some advice,

Yours in sobriety,

DougC

Yeah, I'm stuck there too, don't want to reach out often. A friend sponsor says, you know how good it feels to help someone when you're able? Give someone else that gift to help if they can. It feels great to forget about my stuff to stick my neck into someone elses stuff and help, it makes me feel good about myself. Thanks for the sharing

Hey all:

Here's something for thought:

I wish that I would never see, a drunk as pitiful as me, with blood shot eyes and ruddy face, living one step out of God's grace, and should I see him on the road, trying to carry this heavy load.

May my sobriety make me see, how the "lack" of alcohol has set me free.

And may I take him by the hand, to his feet so he may stand, and in conscientiousnesses or moment fleeting.

BRING HIM TO AN A.A. MEETING

Please pass this on to your sponsors, and keep a copy for yourself.

Also if you can't hit your knees in the morning to ask your HP for help, throw your shows under the bed, then you have no choice.

DougC

I think a lot of people would have this problem. I won't even ask for help when I can't reach something on a shelf in a store. Why else do I drink? because I am scared ?
Scared of who? All people have their little doubts and Big ones too. Just be brave. All people have something inside them that makes them doubt themselves in some way. so think of that. They are just as scared as you are. Reach out and touch someone.

My first sponsor gave me a dolllars worth of dimes (phone calls where a dime when I got sober). He made me call someone every night for 7 days at 10pm... At the end of 7 days he made me call someone at 3am for the next 3 nights... even if I didn;t have a problem.... I would say to the person at 3am that I was OK and just wanted to say hi...... not one AA member hung up on me... one day i had a problem and needed to call someone at 2 am... the person was at my house by 2:30 and helped me...

I have also gotten phone calls at 3am... I have gone out to help a friend at that hour. Trust me, anyone who says they have no time for you, lose their number.. those who have time, keep theirs... those numbers will come in handy. And the phone is not really that heavy and our arms are not broken.

Yea, I feel that way too sometimes. Don't want to burden them etc. But actually I've found that most people like to feel needed and to help if they can. It's always hard to ask for help. Don't be afraid, just do it. It'll get easier.

Is it about feeling worthy enough to ask for help? That was my problem and I still have to constantly challenge myself to ask for what I need, but it sure pays off to at least take the risk and try.