Imnot an alocholis myself however my own mother is and i have expreienced this so for so long. My mum bgan drinkign to try to fix her problems however then the drink did because her personality her identity. She thought it was a good thing..she thought she was a new person she the drink became her. Looking in from a sober point of view and as someone that loves her its a horrible painful thing to watch. It's not the real her. I realised i tmust be extremely hard to come off a substance like this but im just giving my two cents worht that even though in the first few months u will feel like not ur self (the one the alcohol has made u become)the real u will come back an when it does u will feel so good about it and im 100% the people around u the love and cared about u will feel like they have their, friend etc back. Take control back and not like the drink control you be strong! Good luck HUGS

i am an alcoholic too. i am in early sobriety. i have about 35 days sober right now. i know what you mean by what is normal. i still feel sometimes that i am trying to be someone that i am not. when i was using, i felt like i knew exactly who i was and what i was doing. but i was wrong. when we drink or use we are hiding . when we get sober we start to feel things and look at things in a very different. for me, i'm still trying to find the real me. i was messed up for 25 years and never knew the real me. i'm just now trying to figure it out. i am finding that i am a little more shy than i was when i was using. i also am finding that i am smarter and able to make decisions that really count. and finally, i'm finding that i am a better mother, daughter, sister, friend and worker. keep on searching, you'll find the real you. the first thing i recommend is either get into treatmen or get to some meetings. when you go to meetings you'll find alot of people who have had the same experience that you are having right now. there is alot of genuine care and promise in aa. people really do want to help people like us. when you do this, find a sponsor. they will help you in every area of your recovery. including finding yourself. good luck. any questions, feel free to e-mail me. if i can, i'd be happy to help. you.

what is normal? my mother never has drank in her life nor any of my siblings nor my dad. I did for 24 years and then upon quitting though i would feel good all the time. Hah! no one feels good all the time not even earth people. You see though we have much different issues though because we covered all of our feelings and emotions up with alcohol and never learned to deal with them like earth people. I am now going on 2 years sober and have just scraped the surface on hoe to deal with life and feelings. Get a sponsor and continue to go to meetings. It does get better each day. you will find that each time life throws you a curve ball and you deal with it in the proper way that it is easier the next time. Remember alcohol is just one symptom of our disease. The answers lye in the group your sponsor and your higher power. god bless

Meatman: interesting name... when i was forced to quit drinking i was a deliman !
I too felt so out cynq with everyone and everything around me...
I went to AA and stuck with it...I had made a decision to try AA for a year and if i didn't like AA I would leave,.. I had qquit for a year when i was 16 so i figured , no problem! lol
what i was to learn, the hard way, was that AA really messed up my drinking !

I have yet to meet a single person in AA or not, that has given up drinking because they DON'T have a problem with it..
If you want to discuss this furthr meatman,, I am available..( send me a private message please)
I am sober with the help of AA since mar01.91 and live a happy contented life most days.
God Bless
botbotcoco
www.londonppbbs.com

I presume your drinking habit did not start last week, correct? What you need to remember (and I am NOT a staunch AAer, but a lot of the advice and info from AA is good) is THE DRINKING IS BUT A SYMPTOM!! You are drinking because you do not have other emotional and spiritual tools to deal with life on life's terms. The general approach to life by an active alcoholic is dysfunctional hence not at all "normal" (or more correctly....healthy!!)You will need to develop these in concert with ceasing your alcohol intake. If you do not address the issues behind your drinking, you will not get well. You may stay "dry" for a while, but sobriety refers to a change in your behavior and outlook/approach to life as much as (if not more than)the fact of not consuming ethanol.
Alcoholism is a PSYCHIATRIC DISEASE. A lot of us do not want to admit we have a metal illness, but it is what it is. Mental illnesses, as a general rule of thumb,need to be treated by some combination of behavioral therapy and medication. Fortunately for us alkies the med part, if needed, is usually not a long term thing (unless we have other comorbid psych stuff going on), but we need to radically overhaul our entire approach to life. This takes months, even years, to really get a grip on. Because alcoholism is a chronic, relapsing illness, we need to continue to work on our mental state for the rest of our lives (just like a person w/type 1 diabetes will need insulin for life--hence CHRONIC illness). This is why I strongly advocate TREATMENT for most people--not detox, but TREATMENT. This can be costly, but for a lot of people, AA alone does not offer the professional counseling and structure offered by a good treatment program. This will give you the framework and headstart for lifelong recovery, should you really want it.

I am four years sober and no longer attend AA, but I continue to work on my behavioral deficits every day of my life. Am I "normal?" Hell, no, who wants to be normal?? But I generally enjoy life, am no longer fearful of interacting with others, obsessed by what they might think of me, and if you asked the people I interact with every day if they thought I was "normal", they'd probably answer "just as normal as I am!!" I could not have accomplished this without the knowledge I gained in formal treatment, coupled with the desire to stop drinking brought of the despair of my "bottom". I strongly urge you to seek professional treatment. A lot of people balk at the cost, but when you consider a lifetime of lost wages, lost jobs, pay outs for wrecked cars, wrecked lives, etc, it's a pretty damn good investment.
Sorry this is so long....good luck.

meatman, cute name. I'm sylvia an I am a real alcoholic.my sobriety date is 12/12/05. but I tried to get sober march 2005. It was suggested that I attend 90 meetings in 90 days.I was so desperate to feel NORMAL, that I went to about 160.I couldn't understand how I could live without drinking or the people I had drank with. ect....AA is the only way I could learn about what I needed to change and how. they have a living sober book meeting, that helped me alot. But it still took me awhile to learn how to fill my "not drinking" time with something more possitive and productive.I thought I would go NUTS if I had to live and breath AA meetings for the rest of my life, now I have realized AA gave me a better way life. I am more responsible, I don't have to make up story's or lie's. no hangovers, blackouts, friends and family are now trusting me again. I'm very shy, AA hasn't helped that , but I can now accept it, and I don't have to have a drink to feel social. I can say NO, and be okay with that. I have been told, just stick around till the miracle happens. I never thought it would work FOR ME. I think you should give it an honest try.
take care

I listened to a biker guy tell a story one time in a meeting. Every time he wanted a drink, he called his sponsor. His sponsor asked him if he had any dirty dishes in the sink, he said yes. His sponsor told him to clean them up and call him back. This continued until he made it through the night and had his house clean.


When I stopped drinking, I was bored! What it took me awhile to see is that my house was not in order. Another thing I learned, is for all that I took when I was drinking, I could start giving back. Volunteer for service work in the rooms or somewhere in the community. I found a passion with animal rescue. I'm so "addicted" to that now, I don't ever think about drinking. I'm too busy. 10 yrs.+ sobriety.

So, if you could do ANYTHING with your life ... what would you do? YOU ARE NOT ALONE - you are only lost in yourself - step outside and find the new you.

I have no advice. . . . I feel the exact same way.

Normal is the setting on a washing machine and although I have been on the other side of the enormous disease that Alcholism brings, I can tell you that is messes up more than just brain cells. Don't look for normal, call your sponser or anyone that is supporting you in this choice. Do the dishes as one said earlier or look for cobwebs that need knocked down from the ceiling. Good luck & best wishes

the term normal is very misleading? what is normal? who really knows?

first get serious about AA, AS WELLAS UR FAITH. DO U BELEIVE IN GOD? if so get on ur knees and start talking. as for the identity thing, i can totally understand. i was the exact same way, b4. its as if we r not living life, but drinking it. and thats NOT living, trust me. u will realize that there is sooo much more to YOU once u have quit. its like meeting a whole new person, one that u will actually like.an u will have many other aspects to ur life that will fill the void u mentioned by not drinking. if drinking is the biggest part of our lives then we r not living @ all! best of luck, God Bless U.

good topic, dude. I felt the same way when i first sobered up after years of drunkness. I crried and cried for a drink but i made it thru 30 days w/o dying. There's a start, gotta start somewhere. I remember people would see me coming & they would walk to the other side of the street. It'll come back to you after being sober for awhile. Enjoy and like someone said..."keep busy"...even if it's washing dishes...

Normal is just a setting on the dishwasher. Your mind is playing games with you. Telling you it should be one way or the other to be happy. It's all B.S., that's why the main problem is in the mind. It constantly lies to us with anything involving alcohol. Of course it's wierd being sober. We're restless irritable, and discontent. Drinking fixes that, so do the steps. Choose one and be all in. Don't half ass either one, drink or work the steps to the best of your ability. It gets better. It takes practice.