I didn't say to my X that I wanted him to address his drinking problem until I was 12 years sober. Our marriage ended 2 years later after I left and filed. BUT, I have a sister that wastes my time with drunken phone calls and then she fights with me saying I am uncaring when I couldn't understand her conversation in the first place! So, it's MY fault. When is it ok to voice my opinion (without sounding PREACHY and like a know it all?)I tell her OVER and OVER that she's followed in my footsteps and to see the devastation before it's too late but she doesn't listen. I KNOW you have to be the one that wants to stop the trail of destruction but good gravy all ready. I quit when I was 32 and my kids were 2 and 3 and they don't have ANY memory of me drinking. My sister continues and she's 38 and her kids are 7 and 9 and see it ALL. Too late for the kids memories but not to late to change it. She and her husband drink and drive, fight all the time because of drinking. I guess I just answered my question. There is never a time. She needs to get the answer herself and all I can say is to STOP wasting my time and hope she doesn't get mad. It wouldn't matter how mad she got if we didn't work together everyday.