I am 50 years old and as I look back on my life, I realize that alcohol has been a part of it for like ever. My parents drank (beer mostly) and that seemed like a normal thing to me. I guess I began to experiment with wine at about 15-16. Every social occasion, every special event, every family gathering included alcohol. It was just part of the party. I think what is bothering me is so many things have happened in my life that I began to "escape" by medicating myself with wine. I got to the point where I would buy a 5 ltr box and have it gone in 2 days. Then the blackouts started and other issues escalated until I (and my husband) realized that I must stop drinking completely. Why is it constantly on my mind? Why can't I just let it go? If I look back on my life, alot of bad things happened because I was drinking. I just don't know how to live my life without it. I constantly pray about it but I am obsessed with it. When given the chance to go to town by myself, the first place I stop is the liquor store. Then I am drinking while driving and we all know that is a bad, bad thing to do. My husband no longer trusts me and has made me his "project". He wants to protect me from myself and I love him for that but I just hate myself for not being able to live without alcohol. I could go on and on here... I just needed to write my thoughts down in hopes that I can conquer this demon inside me.
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