I don't know about myself these days. It's like I'm so used to doing what I'm doing and drinking and recovering from hangovers and living life that way. I can't seem to be any other way. I've been up cleaning my house and making homemade christmas gifts for my mom and her boyfriend and my brother and his wife and my sister, little photo almums full of my own gatherings of spiritual quotes, popular quotes, poems, my own poetry, pictures that I love, pictures of me and my son,and I've done my own artwork on all of it too, it's a nice personable gift to give I think. I don't think anyone expects it. I decided this year I'm having a ham dinner at my house tomorrow at 1pm. I'm making the ham and potatoes and corn, my mom's bringin the rest. All I have left to do is clean the floors, vacuumn and mop, and also finish up decorating for christmas, I've been up the past few hours finishing up the gifts, coloring with markers and shit, but on and off here, I'm drinking a 12 pack of beer. Not a god idea I know. but I am. I just hope I can get to bed at a decent time and wake up to start the ham and shit and not be all hungover. why do I do this? Go against everything I want for myself. Have done it for years and years now. I don't think I'll get that drunk and I think I'll get some sleep and wake up and get things done and recover from this. That's what I'm thinking anyway. The more I drink, the faster and more I want to drink. I don't really see the bad side right now. I actually think it'll turn out ok. I'm hoping anyway.
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